Some people think that computers and the internet are more important for a child’s education than going to school. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
This IELTS Writing Task 2 answer was marked Band 5.5 on the four official criteria. Its strongest criterion was Task Response (6); Grammatical Range & Accuracy (5) held it back. The biggest single improvement: Eliminate basic grammar mistakes, specifically subject-verb agreement ('technology... help' → 'helps') and article selection ('a essential' → 'an essential').
How it was marked
| Criterion | Band | Why |
|---|---|---|
| Task Response | 6 | The essay presents a clear position throughout, arguing that school attendance is more important than online learning. Main ideas are supported, though some points are slightly repetitive or underdeveloped in their explanation. |
| Lexical Resource | 5.5 | Vocabulary is sufficient to convey the general message, but features limited range, awkward collocations, and noticeable spelling mistakes. Precision is lacking in several places. |
| Grammatical Range & Accuracy | 5 | While complex structures are attempted, grammatical errors are frequent and noticeable throughout the response. Errors in subject-verb agreement, articles, plurals, and clause construction recur consistently. |
| Coherence & Cohesion | 5.5 | The essay follows a clear four-paragraph layout, but relies heavily on clumsy and formulaic cohesive devices. In addition, there are faulty transitions that create logical repetition. |
The answer
A learner answer, not a model answer — study what the marks reward, don't copy it.
Corrections from the marking
To my point of view, what I would like to admit is that computers and the internet play essential roles in children's education, especially in this century, but it does not mean that they are more important than going to school for education.
From my point of view, while computers and the internet play an essential role in children's education, especially in this century, this does not mean that they are more important than attending school.
The standard fixed phrase is 'From my point of view', not 'To my point of view', and using 'while' removes the wordy 'what I would like to admit' structure.
To my point of view, what I would like to admit is that
From my point of view, what I would like to emphasize is that
The standard idiomatic expression is 'From my point of view', and 'emphasize' or 'state' is far more appropriate than 'admit', which implies conceding a fault.
going to school for education.The education from school should still be considered as the first place for children's growing-up.
going to school for education. Education at school should still be considered of primary importance for children's development.
A space is required after a period, and 'considered as the first place' is ungrammatical when expressing degree of importance.
considered as the first place for children's growing-up.
considered the primary foundation for children's development.
'First place' and 'growing-up' are informal expressions; 'primary foundation' and 'development' provide an appropriately formal academic register.
It is supposed that social interaction skills are more important than the only knowledge input.
It is widely believed that social interaction skills are more important than merely receiving knowledge input.
The phrase 'the only knowledge input' incorrectly uses a determiner where an adverbial modifier such as 'merely' or 'solely' is required.
It is supposed that social interaction skills are more important than the only knowledge input.
It is widely believed that social interaction skills are more important than mere knowledge acquisition.
'Supposed' incorrectly implies an unverified assumption, while 'the only knowledge input' is imprecise for 'mere knowledge acquisition'.
So as for the first reason for my opinion, going to school gives the children
First of all, attending school provides children with
'So as for the first reason for my opinion' is an overly wordy and informal formulaic transition.
going to school gives the children the genuine chance to interact with other children, including the same age children and different age children.
going to school gives children a genuine chance to interact with other children, including those of the same age and of different ages.
Use the indefinite article 'a genuine chance' for an unspecified singular countable noun, omit the extra 'the' before 'children', and replace compound noun phrases like 'same age children' with prepositional post-modifiers.
How this answer could score higher
- Eliminate basic grammar mistakes, specifically subject-verb agreement ('technology... help' → 'helps') and article selection ('a essential' → 'an essential').
- Replace wordy, templated transitions ('So as for the first reason for my opinion') with natural academic cohesive markers ('Primary among these benefits is...').
- Proofread carefully to eliminate typographical and spelling errors such as 'konw', 'disadventages', and 'sreen'.
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