Some people think that computers and the internet are more important for a child’s education than going to school. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
This IELTS Writing Task 2 answer was marked Band 6.5 on the four official criteria. Its strongest criterion was Task Response (7); Grammatical Range & Accuracy (6) held it back. The biggest single improvement: Improve grammatical accuracy in recurring areas: change the fragment "While some people believe..." into a complete complex sentence and ensure agreement in "This helps... and encourages teamwork."
How it was marked
| Criterion | Band | Why |
|---|---|---|
| Task Response | 7 | The essay gives a clear and consistent disagreement with the view, expressed in "I disagree with this view" and reinforced in the conclusion. Both technology's benefits and school's advantages are addressed with relevant explanations and examples, although some points, such as "practical learning" and "social interaction", could be developed in greater depth. |
| Lexical Resource | 6 | The essay uses a generally adequate range, including phrases such as "digital learning platforms", "interactive learning", and "practical real-world problems". However, several collocations are unnatural or imprecise, including "basic necessity", "regarding their course material", and "clear their doubts", and there is some repetition of "students", "learning", and "technology". |
| Grammatical Range & Accuracy | 6 | The essay demonstrates a useful range of complex structures, including the relative clause in "which allow students to study at their own pace" and the conditional structure "when students work together on a science experiment". Nevertheless, noticeable errors occur in sentence boundaries, articles, agreement, and parallel structures, although they rarely prevent understanding. |
| Coherence & Cohesion | 7 | The response has a clear four-paragraph structure, moving from technology's benefits to the stronger case for school and then to a concise conclusion. Cohesive devices such as "Furthermore", "On the contrary", and "Therefore" generally support progression, although some connections are mechanical and "On the contrary" is not the most natural transition for contrasting viewpoints. |
The answer
A learner answer, not a model answer — study what the marks reward, don't copy it.
Corrections from the marking
While some people believe that these technologies are more valuable for children's education than attending school. I disagree with this view because school provides essential guidance, social interaction, and practical learning that technology alone cannot offer.
While some people believe that these technologies are more valuable for children's education than attending school, I disagree with this view because school provides essential guidance, social interaction, and practical learning that technology alone cannot offer.
A clause beginning with the subordinating conjunction "while" cannot stand alone, so it must be joined to the main clause with a comma rather than a full stop.
For example, a student struggling to solve a complex math problem can watch an online tutorial and clear their doubts easily.
For example, a student struggling to solve a complex math problem can watch an online tutorial and clarify any points they do not understand.
"Clear their doubts" is a non-standard collocation in formal English; use "clarify points" or "resolve confusion" instead.
On the contrary, I believe that attending the school remains more important because teachers can explain complex concepts to students, identify students' weaknesses and help to solve their issues.
On the contrary, I believe that attending school remains more important because teachers can explain complex concepts to students, identify students' weaknesses and help to solve their issues.
The expression "attending school" refers to the general activity of education and does not normally take the definite article.
It helps to improve communication skills and encourage teamwork.
It helps to improve communication skills and encourages teamwork.
The singular subject "It" requires both coordinated verbs to agree with it, so "encourage" must be changed to "encourages".
How this answer could score higher
- Improve grammatical accuracy in recurring areas: change the fragment "While some people believe..." into a complete complex sentence and ensure agreement in "This helps... and encourages teamwork."
- Use more natural academic collocations: replace "clear their doubts" and "resources regarding their course material" with "clarify concepts they do not understand" and "resources related to their studies."
- Develop the comparison more deeply by explaining why school-based guidance and supervised social learning outweigh the flexibility described in "study at their own pace".
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