Some people think that computers and the internet are more important for a child’s education than going to school. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
This IELTS Writing Task 2 answer was marked Band 5.5 on the four official criteria. Its strongest criterion was Task Response (6); Coherence & Cohesion (5) held it back. The biggest single improvement: Develop the comparison with computers more fully: after “school is more important”, explain specifically why teacher feedback, peer interaction and supervised routines are more educationally valuable than independent computer use.
How it was marked
| Criterion | Band | Why |
|---|---|---|
| Task Response | 6 | The essay presents a clear position in favour of school, expressed in “a notion I firmly subscribe to”, and addresses the importance of human interaction, social development and a broad curriculum. However, the comparison with computers and the internet is not fully developed, and claims such as “psychological studies have proven” are unsupported rather than explained with a specific example. |
| Lexical Resource | 5 | The essay uses some relevant vocabulary, including “empathy”, “retention”, “psychological studies” and “practical sessions”, but word choice is often imprecise or unnatural. Spelling and word-form problems such as “accomodate” and “devleopment”, together with awkward expressions such as “a division between people with others”, limit precision and flexibility. |
| Grammatical Range & Accuracy | 5 | The writer attempts a range of complex structures, including reason clauses and conditional language, as in “especially in the language learning stages where the interaction is quite important”. However, frequent errors in agreement, articles, plurals, sentence boundaries and comparative structures, including “children interacts”, “These is” and “more important that”, are noticeable throughout. |
| Coherence & Cohesion | 5 | The essay has a generally understandable four-paragraph structure, with one paragraph for human interaction and another for the wider benefits of school. However, progression is sometimes mechanical, and the ideas linked by “To begin with”, “Furthermore” and “Additionally” are not always connected through a clear overall comparison between school and technology. |
The answer
A learner answer, not a model answer — study what the marks reward, don't copy it.
Corrections from the marking
In the recent years, the use of technology has been on the rise with the computer being the most preferred.
In recent years, the use of technology has been on the rise, with computers being the most preferred.
The phrase "in recent years" does not take "the", and a plural noun is more appropriate when referring to computers generally.
with the computer being the most preferred
with computers being the most widely used
"Most preferred" is an unnatural collocation here; "most widely used" is the appropriate expression for technology.
preferred.They have been utilized in schools and even homes in either learning or entertainment.
preferred. They have been utilized in schools and even homes in either learning or entertainment.
A space is required after the full stop separating the two sentences.
They have been utilized in schools and even homes in either learning or entertainment.
It has been utilized in schools and even homes for either learning or entertainment.
The pronoun referring to the uncountable noun "technology" should be singular, and "for" correctly introduces the purposes.
They have been utilized in schools and even homes in either learning or entertainment.
Computers have been used in schools and homes for learning or entertainment.
The pronoun "They" has an unclear antecedent, so the subject should be stated explicitly.
These created a division between people with others, arguing that it is an important gadget for a child's education while another side argues that going to school is better, a notion I firmly subscribe to.
This has created a division between people, with some arguing that it is an important gadget for a child's education, while others argue that going to school is better, a notion to which I firmly subscribe.
The singular noun "technology" requires "this", and the present perfect is needed for a situation that has developed up to the present.
These created a division between people with others, arguing that it is an important gadget for a child's education while another side argues that going to school is better
These created a division between people, with some arguing that it is an important tool for a child's education while others argue that going to school is better
"Division between people with others" is not a natural collocation, and "some" and "others" express the contrast more precisely.
it is an important gadget for a child's education
it is an important tool for a child's education
"Gadget" usually refers to a small device, whereas "tool" is the more precise word for something used to support education.
How this answer could score higher
- Develop the comparison with computers more fully: after “school is more important”, explain specifically why teacher feedback, peer interaction and supervised routines are more educationally valuable than independent computer use.
- Improve grammatical accuracy through a final agreement and article check, especially errors such as “children interacts”, “These is” and “a upper”; write “children interact”, “This is” and “a higher”.
- Use more natural and precise collocations, replacing “the most preferred”, “a division between people with others” and “a complete human being” with “the most widely used”, “a disagreement between two groups” and “a well-rounded individual”.
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