Some people think that computers and the internet are more important for a child’s education than going to school. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
This IELTS Writing Task 2 answer was marked Band 6 on the four official criteria. Its strongest criterion was Lexical Resource (6); Grammatical Range & Accuracy (5.5) held it back. The biggest single improvement: Keep the position consistent throughout: replace the conclusion’s claim that remote learning “will be crusial than going to school” with a clear statement that technology can support, but not replace, school.
How it was marked
| Criterion | Band | Why |
|---|---|---|
| Task Response | 5.5 | Your position is clear in the opening, where you say, “I disagree with this statement,” and you support it with arguments about supervision and social interaction. However, the conclusion’s claim that remote learning “will be crusial than going to school” conflicts with that position, and the supporting ideas are not developed enough to fully compare the educational value of technology and school. |
| Lexical Resource | 6 | You use a sufficient range of topic vocabulary, including “technologically advanced” and “prone to being distracted,” and meaning is generally clear. Some word choices are imprecise or awkward, such as “frequent control over them” and “emotional supporters,” and “crusial” is misspelled. |
| Grammatical Range & Accuracy | 5.5 | You attempt a range of sentence forms, including the relative clause in “my cousin, who studied in middle school” and the conditional structure beginning “If students are educated.” However, recurring problems with clause construction and comparison, as in “Because school kids are not able to study themselves, that's why,” reduce grammatical accuracy. |
| Coherence & Cohesion | 6 | The essay has a clear overall structure, with separate paragraphs for supervision and social support, and the examples follow the relevant points. However, the repeated example-led progression in “To illustrate” and “For instance” makes the development feel somewhat mechanical, and the final paragraph does not bring the argument together coherently. |
The answer
A learner answer, not a model answer — study what the marks reward, don't copy it.
Corrections from the marking
It is considered by some people that laptops and the internet are better for a kid's learning than attending school.
It is considered by some people that laptops and the internet are better for a child's learning than attending school.
"Kid" is conversational; "child" is more appropriate in an academic essay.
I disagree with this statement because children will not have frequent control over them, and they cannot socialize with people who can understand their emotions.
I disagree with this statement because children will not receive adequate supervision while using them, and they cannot socialize with people who can understand their emotions.
"Frequent control over them" is an unclear collocation in this context; "adequate supervision while using them" expresses the intended idea more precisely.
In this kind of technologically advanced world, it is very beneficial to get assistance from gadgets; however, it is not a fully independent way of education yet.
In this kind of technologically advanced world, it is very beneficial to get assistance from gadgets; however, it is not a fully independent form of education yet.
"Form of education" is the natural collocation here; "way of education" is not idiomatic.
Moreover, youth are prone to being distracted or even taking learning not so seriously.
Moreover, youth are prone to being distracted or even taking their learning less seriously.
"Take one's learning seriously" is the natural collocation; "taking learning not so seriously" is awkward.
Because school kids are not able to study themselves, that's why they need to be supervised frequently by teachers who know the subject that pupils are learning.
Because school kids are not able to study on their own, they need to be supervised frequently by teachers who know the subject that pupils are learning.
Do not use both “Because” and “that's why” to introduce the same result; use one clause structure.
Because school kids are not able to study themselves, that's why they need to be supervised frequently by teachers who know the subject that pupils are learning.
Because schoolchildren are not able to study independently, that's why they need to be supervised frequently by teachers who know the subject that pupils are learning.
"School kids" is informal for this essay, and "study themselves" should be "study independently."
school kids are not able to study themselves
school kids are not able to study on their own
The reflexive pronoun “themselves” makes the children the object of “study”; use “on their own” to mean that they study independently.
his teachers always reminded him and forced him to do them.
his teachers always reminded him and made him attend them.
"Do lessons" is vague here; "attend lessons" is more precise if these were lessons he needed to join.
How this answer could score higher
- Keep the position consistent throughout: replace the conclusion’s claim that remote learning “will be crusial than going to school” with a clear statement that technology can support, but not replace, school.
- Develop the comparison by explaining why teacher supervision and face-to-face interaction make school more valuable, while briefly recognising what computers and the internet can contribute.
- Correct recurring sentence-construction problems, especially “Because school kids are not able to study themselves, that's why”; use one causal structure, such as “Schoolchildren often need supervision, so teachers play an important role.”
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