Some people think that computers and the internet are more important for a child’s education than going to school. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
This IELTS Writing Task 2 answer was marked Band 5.5 on the four official criteria. Its strongest criterion was Task Response (6); Grammatical Range & Accuracy (5) held it back. The biggest single improvement: Develop a direct comparison between school and technology by explaining why teacher guidance, structured learning, and social interaction make school more important, rather than only stating that it is "more well-rounded".
How it was marked
| Criterion | Band | Why |
|---|---|---|
| Task Response | 6 | The essay presents a clear position that school is ultimately more important, as shown by "going to the school is ultimately more well-rounded for educational improvement", and it addresses both school and technology. However, the main ideas are only partly developed: the explanation of school-based benefits is relevant, but the comparison with computers and the internet is brief and the argument about their risks is not fully explained. |
| Lexical Resource | 5 | The essay uses some relevant vocabulary, including "face to face", "primary education", and "complementary", but word choice is often repetitive or imprecise. Frequent spelling and word-form problems such as "contribuite", "enhace", and "the brains of the kids" reduce the accuracy and naturalness of the vocabulary. |
| Grammatical Range & Accuracy | 5 | The response attempts a range of structures, including concessive clauses and a conditional sentence, but grammatical errors are frequent throughout. Problems with articles, agreement, verb forms, sentence construction, and prepositions occur in examples such as "other believes", "there is a important role", and "In spite that", although the overall meaning is usually understandable. |
| Coherence & Cohesion | 6 | The response has a generally clear four-paragraph structure, moving from the position to school benefits, technology, and a conclusion. Cohesive devices such as "To begin with", "Nevertheless", and "For instance" help guide the reader, but the technology paragraph is underdeveloped and the final sentence beginning "While also considering" does not form a clear concluding progression. |
The answer
A learner answer, not a model answer — study what the marks reward, don't copy it.
Corrections from the marking
Some people believe that computers and the internet could play a greater role for child's education, other believes that going to school could be more beneficial.
Some people believe that computers and the internet could play a greater role in a child's education, while others believe that going to school could be more beneficial.
A singular countable noun needs a determiner, “others” must agree with the plural meaning, and the two independent clauses require a conjunction rather than a comma splice.
both things could contribuite to the learning progress and development of the brains of the kids
both things could contribute to the learning progress and development of the brains of the kids
"Contribuite" is misspelled; the correct spelling is "contribute".
development of the brains of the kids
children's intellectual development
"Development of the brains" is an imprecise expression for the development of children's thinking and abilities.
going to the school is ultimately more well-rounded
going to school is ultimately more well-rounded
Use “go to school” without an article when referring to school as a general institution.
more well-rounded for educational improvement
a more well-rounded approach to education
"A well-rounded approach to education" is the natural collocation for a broad educational benefit.
that's a crucial part of the primary education.
that's a crucial part of primary education.
“Primary education” is used as an uncountable concept here and does not normally take “the.”
This is because, when children get the possibility to learn by communicating face to face with other kids and a teacher, they not only learn to read or do math but to get information on how can they use the information they are getting to learn about the world they're living in.
This is because when children get the possibility to learn by communicating face to face with other kids and a teacher, they not only learn to read or do math but also get information on how they can use the information they are getting to learn about the world they're living in.
Do not place a comma after “because” in this structure, maintain parallel forms after “not only,” and use statement word order in the embedded question “how they can use.”
get the possibility to learn by communicating face to face
have the opportunity to learn by communicating face to face
"Have the opportunity" is the natural collocation, whereas "get the possibility" is awkward.
How this answer could score higher
- Develop a direct comparison between school and technology by explaining why teacher guidance, structured learning, and social interaction make school more important, rather than only stating that it is "more well-rounded".
- Improve grammatical accuracy in basic structures, especially articles, subject-verb agreement, and complete clauses: change "other believes" to "others believe" and "there is a important role" to "there is an important role".
- Use more precise academic collocations and proofread spelling: replace "the brains of the kids" with "children's cognitive development" and correct "contribuite" and "enhace" to "contribute" and "enhance".
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