Some people think that computers and the internet are more important for a child’s education than going to school. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
This IELTS Writing Task 2 answer was marked Band 4.5 on the four official criteria. Its strongest criterion was Task Response (5); Grammatical Range & Accuracy (4) held it back. The biggest single improvement: Build a direct comparison between school and technology in every body paragraph; for example, explain why teacher feedback and classroom interaction are more valuable than online resources, rather than simply repeating that "education is more important."
How it was marked
| Criterion | Band | Why |
|---|---|---|
| Task Response | 5 | The essay gives a clear overall position in "I believe that education is more important" and provides relevant reasons concerning teacher guidance and the benefits of attending school. However, the comparison between school and computers/internet is not fully developed, and several claims, such as "They will always be more reasons for education to be more helpful," are unclear or unsupported. |
| Lexical Resource | 4 | The essay uses some relevant vocabulary, such as "stable wifi," "tutorials," "primary" and "studying online," but the range is limited and key words such as "education," "help" and "internet" are repeated. Frequent spelling and word-form problems, including "distiction," "Mnay," "perfom," "erros" and "eduaction," reduce accuracy and precision. |
| Grammatical Range & Accuracy | 4 | There are attempts to use complex structures, including the conditional clause in "A student can never know how to use a computer unless..." and the contrast introduced by "but." However, grammatical errors are frequent in articles, agreement, pronouns, verb forms and sentence construction, as in "Computers and internet are vital" and "They is also more other lessons," and they sometimes make the meaning difficult to follow. |
| Coherence & Cohesion | 5 | The response has a recognisable four-paragraph structure, with the introduction, two body paragraphs and conclusion each serving a basic purpose. Nevertheless, the progression in the second body paragraph is difficult to follow because it moves from "totorials" to internet errors, other school lessons and "medical education" without a clearly ordered central argument. |
The answer
A learner answer, not a model answer — study what the marks reward, don't copy it.
Corrections from the marking
Computers and internet are vital to the world especially in education and in also our daily life.
Computers and the internet are vital to the world, especially in education and also in our daily lives.
Use the article "the" with "internet", place "also" before the prepositional phrase, and use the plural "lives" when referring to people's daily lives.
The distiction comes down on how as humans use the technology.
The distiction comes down to how humans use the technology.
The correct construction is "comes down to how", followed by a complete clause without the unnecessary word "as".
The distiction comes down on how as humans use the technology.
The distinction comes down to how as humans use the technology.
"Distiction" is misspelled, and the correct collocation is "come down to", not "come down on".
A student can never know how to use a computer unless they teach it to her or him.
A student can never know how to use a computer unless they teach them how to use it.
The collocation is "teach someone how to use something", not "teach it to someone" in this context.
Mnay people think in letting a child access a laptop with a stable wifi will provide help but they are wrong,
Many people think in letting a child access a laptop with a stable wifi will provide help but they are wrong,
"Mnay" is a spelling error; it should be "Many".
think in letting a child access a laptop with a stable wifi will provide help but they are wrong,
think that letting a child access a laptop with stable wifi will provide help, but they are wrong.
Use "think that" before a clause, omit the unnecessary article before uncountable "wifi", and use a comma before the contrasting independent clause.
an adult who is in highschool needs or young child studying in primary, they be really needing help
an adult who is in highschool or a young child studying in primary school really needs help
The coordinated noun phrases require parallel structure and an article before "young child", while the finite verb should be "needs" rather than "be really needing".
an adult who is in highschool needs or young child studying in primary,
an adult who is in high school needs or young child studying in primary,
"High school" is written as two words.
How this answer could score higher
- Build a direct comparison between school and technology in every body paragraph; for example, explain why teacher feedback and classroom interaction are more valuable than online resources, rather than simply repeating that "education is more important."
- Reduce frequent grammar errors by checking every sentence for articles, subject-verb agreement and complete clause construction, especially patterns such as "Computers and internet are" and "They is also more other lessons."
- Proofread spelling and improve topic collocations, changing forms such as "distiction," "perfom" and "eduaction" and replacing vague phrases such as "provide help" with "provide access to learning resources."
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