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Band 7.5 · 316 words · IELTS Writing Task 2

Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation , such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money .Others argue that it is better to try and improve . Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

This IELTS Writing Task 2 answer was marked Band 7.5 on the four official criteria. Its strongest criterion was Task Response (8); Grammatical Range & Accuracy (7) held it back. The biggest single improvement: Fix structural punctuation errors in the introduction by removing the comma after 'I firmly believe' and correcting the comma splice before 'moreover'.

How it was marked

CriterionBandWhy
Task Response8The essay thoroughly addresses all parts of the prompt by presenting well-developed arguments for both views and maintaining a clear personal stance. Ideas are extended with relevant, real-world examples such as job loss during an economic crisis and skill acquisition.
Lexical Resource7.5The vocabulary is varied and natural, demonstrating strong awareness of collocation and topic-specific language. A few minor inaccuracies in idiomatic phrasing and article-noun pairing prevent a higher score.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy7The essay demonstrates a good range of complex structures with error-free body paragraphs. However, grammatical and punctuation slips clustered in the introduction hold this criterion back from Band 8.
Coherence & Cohesion7.5The response is logically organized into four clear paragraphs with a smooth progression of ideas throughout. Cohesive devices are used effectively in the body, though there is a misapplied transition in the introduction.

The answer

A learner answer, not a model answer — study what the marks reward, don't copy it.

Many people argue that we should accept our fate, such as having a shortage of money and unsatisfactory job. Others argue that people should try harder and not give up. I firmly believe, people should keep fighting to have a better life than just creating peace with the hard situations, moreover, both views will be discussed in the remaining paragraphs. On the one hand, accepting a difficult situation can help people maintain their peace of mind. Not every problem can be solved immediately, and constantly worrying about things beyond our control may lead to stress and frustration. For example, a person who loses their job during an economic crisis may need to accept their circumstances temporarily rather than blame themselves for the situation. Acceptance can also help people focus on what they already have and develop a more positive attitude towards life. Therefore, in some cases, accepting reality is a practical way to cope with difficulties. On the other hand, I believe that making an effort to change an unsatisfactory situation is often more beneficial in the long term. If people simply accept their problems without taking action, they may miss valuable opportunities to improve their living conditions. For instance, someone who is dissatisfied with their job could learn new skills, gain additional qualifications or apply for better positions. Similarly, people experiencing financial difficulties can look for additional sources of income or develop better money-management habits. Although these efforts may require considerable time and determination, they can lead to greater financial stability and personal satisfaction. In conclusion, accepting difficult circumstances can sometimes reduce stress and help people deal with situations they cannot control. However, I believe that people should not give up easily when they have the opportunity to make positive changes. A balanced approach, in which people accept what they cannot change while working to improve what they can, is the most effective way forward.

Corrections from the marking

  • Many people argue that we should accept our fate, such as having a shortage of money and unsatisfactory job.

    Many people argue that we should accept our fate, such as having a shortage of money and an unsatisfactory job.

    The singular countable noun 'job' requires the indefinite article 'an' before the adjective 'unsatisfactory'.

  • Many people argue that we should accept our fate, such as having a shortage of money and unsatisfactory job.

    Many people argue that we should accept our circumstances, such as having a shortage of money and an unsatisfactory job.

    The word 'fate' implies an unalterable, divine destiny, which is imprecise and overly dramatic when describing temporary job or financial difficulties.

  • I firmly believe, people should keep fighting to have a better life than just creating peace with the hard situations, moreover, both views will be discussed in the remaining paragraphs.

    I firmly believe people should keep fighting to have a better life than just creating peace with hard situations; moreover, both views will be discussed in the remaining paragraphs.

    Do not place a comma immediately after the reporting verb 'believe', and use a semicolon before 'moreover' to join two independent clauses without creating a comma splice.

  • I firmly believe, people should keep fighting to have a better life than just creating peace with the hard situations, moreover, both views will be discussed in the remaining paragraphs.

    I firmly believe people should keep fighting to have a better life rather than just making peace with difficult situations; both views will be discussed in the remaining paragraphs.

    The natural English idiom is 'making peace with' rather than 'creating peace with', and 'difficult situations' is more natural than 'the hard situations'.

  • I firmly believe, people should keep fighting to have a better life than just creating peace with the hard situations, moreover, both views will be discussed in the remaining paragraphs.

    I firmly believe people should keep fighting to have a better life rather than just making peace with difficult situations. In this essay, both views will be discussed.

    The transition 'moreover' introduces additional supporting evidence for an argument, so using it to attach an essay outline statement creates inaccurate cohesion.

How this answer could score higher

  1. Fix structural punctuation errors in the introduction by removing the comma after 'I firmly believe' and correcting the comma splice before 'moreover'.
  2. Replace mechanical essay announcements like 'both views will be discussed in the remaining paragraphs' with a direct, integrated thesis statement.
  3. Refine idiomatic expressions and parallel grammar, changing 'creating peace with the hard situations' to 'making peace with difficult situations' and adding 'an' before 'unsatisfactory job'.

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