Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation , such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money .Others argue that it is better to try and improve . Discuss both these views and give your own opinion
This IELTS Writing Task 2 answer was marked Band 6.5 on the four official criteria. Its strongest criterion was Task Response (7); Grammatical Range & Accuracy (6) held it back. The biggest single improvement: Develop the acceptance argument more deeply by explaining when it is rational and illustrating the possible risks of making an immediate change.
How it was marked
| Criterion | Band | Why |
|---|---|---|
| Task Response | 7 | The essay addresses both views and gives a clear overall opinion, especially in the statement that people should "generally try to improve their situations whenever possible." Both arguments are relevant and supported with examples, although the acceptance viewpoint could be developed with a more specific explanation of when acceptance is preferable to immediate change. |
| Lexical Resource | 6 | The essay uses a reasonably varied range, including expressions such as "financial instability," "stable income," "additional qualifications," and "financial security." However, several collocations are unnatural or imprecise, including "making a struggle for the betterment" and "find opportunities outside the bubble," and the word "situations" is noticeably repeated. |
| Grammatical Range & Accuracy | 6 | The response demonstrates a useful range of complex structures, including reason clauses in "This is because certain situations are beyond human immediate control" and concessive clauses such as "Although these changes may take time and effort." Accuracy is generally adequate and meaning remains clear, but the introductory fragment and some awkward clause constructions prevent a higher band. |
| Coherence & Cohesion | 7 | The response has a clear four-paragraph structure, with a logical progression from the two views to the conclusion that improvement is preferable. Cohesion is generally effective through phrases such as "For example," "Similarly," and "To sum up," but some linking and referencing are repetitive, particularly the repeated use of "situations." |
The answer
A learner answer, not a model answer — study what the marks reward, don't copy it.
Corrections from the marking
While some believe that accepting these situations and striving for the betterment of these situations is more crucial.
While some believe that accepting these situations and striving for their improvement is more crucial, others argue that people should try to change them.
This is a subordinate clause beginning with “While” but it has no main clause; a complete sentence requires an independent clause after the comma.
striving for the betterment of these situations
striving to improve these situations
"Betterment" is a possible word, but "improve situations" is the natural collocation in this context.
deal with and enhance these situations
deal with and improve these situations
"Enhance" is not normally used with difficult situations; "improve" is the more precise verb.
On one side, those who accept the situation argue that
On the one hand, those who accept the situation argue that
"On the one hand" is the standard cohesive expression used to introduce one side of a discussion.
This is because certain situations are beyond human immediate control, so instead of taking stress and being mentally unwell, people should accept the situation.
This is because certain situations are beyond immediate human control, so instead of becoming stressed and mentally unwell, people should accept the situation.
The adjective order is incorrect in “human immediate control”; the natural order is “immediate human control.”
instead of taking stress and being mentally unwell
instead of experiencing stress and becoming mentally unwell
"Take stress" is not the natural collocation; people usually "experience stress" or "become stressed".
Similarly, people experiencing financial struggle may need to accept their current limitations and adjust their spending habits.
Similarly, people experiencing financial struggles may need to accept their current limitations and adjust their spending habits.
The plural noun “struggles” is needed because the sentence refers generally to people facing financial difficulties.
people experiencing financial struggle may need
people experiencing financial difficulties may need
"Financial difficulties" is the conventional and more natural expression for problems with money.
How this answer could score higher
- Develop the acceptance argument more deeply by explaining when it is rational and illustrating the possible risks of making an immediate change.
- Improve collocations by replacing phrases such as "making a struggle for the betterment" and "outside the bubble" with natural expressions such as "taking steps to improve their circumstances" and "broadening their opportunities."
- Correct the introduction's sentence structure and make the position consistent: write "Although temporary acceptance may sometimes be necessary, I believe people should ultimately take practical steps to improve their circumstances."
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