Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation , such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money .Others argue that it is better to try and improve . Discuss both these views and give your own opinion
This IELTS Writing Task 2 answer was marked Band 6 on the four official criteria. All four criteria were marked at 6. The biggest single improvement: Make the position explicit and consistent: argue that accepting hardship can be useful temporarily, but that people should generally try to improve their situation, and repeat this balanced position in the conclusion.
How it was marked
| Criterion | Band | Why |
|---|---|---|
| Task Response | 6 | The essay addresses both accepting difficult circumstances and trying to improve them, using the examples of an "unsatisfactory job" and a "shortage of money". However, the opinion is only partly clear because the conclusion supports both acceptance and improvement through statements such as "hardships are the way of life" and "Overcoming these hardships", while the argument for actively improving circumstances is less fully developed. |
| Lexical Resource | 6 | The essay uses a reasonably broad set of vocabulary, including "resilience", "financial freedom", "bare minimum" and "sense of accomplishment and fulfillment". Nevertheless, several collocations, word choices and spellings are inaccurate or unnatural, such as "shorter money pool", "gives birth to resilience" and "strenghtening", which prevent a higher band. |
| Grammatical Range & Accuracy | 6 | The response demonstrates a useful range of complex structures, including conditional and relative clauses in "There are some things in life which are not under human control" and "when one is strapped for cash". However, recurring grammatical errors and awkward constructions, such as "start at somewhere", "this suggest" and "a person ... they", show that accuracy is not yet consistently controlled. |
| Coherence & Cohesion | 6 | The response has a generally logical progression from acceptance of hardship to the case for improvement and then to the writer's opinion, with the shift signalled by "The argument that it is better to improve the situation". However, the flow is weakened by repeated transitions and pronouns, including "These individuals" and "This", and by several ideas being crowded into long stretches rather than being clearly separated. |
The answer
A learner answer, not a model answer — study what the marks reward, don't copy it.
Corrections from the marking
Such people have the tendency to tackle the hardships of life and look for, strive for better moments.
Such people have the tendency to tackle the hardships of life and look for and strive for better moments.
Two coordinated verb phrases should be joined with a conjunction rather than separated by a comma.
look for, strive for better moments
look for and strive for better times
"Better moments" is an imprecise collocation in this context; "better times" is the natural expression.
Que Cera Cera
Que Sera, Sera
The Spanish expression is conventionally spelled "Que Sera, Sera".
There are some things in life which are not under human control, and trying to control the outcome of such things only results in depression, sadness, and a feeling of being lost.
There are some things in life which are not under human control, and trying to control the outcome of such things only results in depression, sadness, and a feeling of being lost.
The definite article in "the outcome" is required because the sentence refers to the specific outcome of those things.
Everyone has to start at somewhere, and maybe starting from an unsatisfactory job gives birth to resilience that will be needed in one's dream job.
Everyone has to start somewhere, and maybe starting from an unsatisfactory job gives birth to resilience that will be needed in one's dream job.
The adverb "somewhere" does not take the preposition "at" in this expression.
gives birth to resilience
builds resilience
"Build resilience" is the standard collocation, whereas "give birth to resilience" is not idiomatic.
When a person has financial freedom, they might end up buying luxuries they never needed in the first place but when one is strapped for cash, they learn how to manage their expenses in a shorter money pool.
When a person has financial freedom, they might end up buying luxuries they never needed in the first place, but when one is strapped for cash, they learn how to manage their expenses in a shorter money pool.
A comma is needed before "but" because it joins two independent clauses.
in a shorter money pool
with a smaller amount of money
"Shorter money pool" is not a natural collocation; use "a smaller amount of money" or "limited funds".
How this answer could score higher
- Make the position explicit and consistent: argue that accepting hardship can be useful temporarily, but that people should generally try to improve their situation, and repeat this balanced position in the conclusion.
- Develop the improvement viewpoint with one concrete example and clear consequences, such as gaining qualifications, applying for a better job, increasing income and improving well-being.
- Proofread recurring grammar and word-choice errors, especially "start at somewhere", "this suggest", "shorter money pool", "Que Cera Cera" and "strenghtening".
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