Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation , such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money .Others argue that it is better to try and improve . Discuss both these views and give your own opinion
This IELTS Writing Task 2 answer was marked Band 5 on the four official criteria. All four criteria were marked at 5. The biggest single improvement: Develop each viewpoint with one clear reason and a specific example: explain when accepting a bad situation may be practical, then show concretely how taking action can improve employment or finances.
How it was marked
| Criterion | Band | Why |
|---|---|---|
| Task Response | 5 | The essay addresses both views and gives a clear opinion, particularly through the position that people should "try and do their best to overcome these terrible situations". However, the supporting ideas are only partly developed, and some explanations, such as the claim that acceptance reduces "negative energy", are unclear or insufficiently connected to the question. |
| Lexical Resource | 5 | The response attempts a reasonable range of vocabulary, including expressions such as "unsatisfactory job", "shortage of money" and "growth mindset", but frequent word-form errors, spelling mistakes and unnatural collocations reduce precision. Several choices, including "adjustifications", "sacrify" and "amenity for their life", make the writing sound non-native and occasionally obscure the intended meaning. |
| Grammatical Range & Accuracy | 5 | The essay attempts complex sentences with subordinate clauses, for example "when they feel disappointed about it", but grammatical errors are frequent across agreement, articles, verb forms, pronouns and sentence construction. These errors do not always prevent understanding, but they regularly make sentences difficult to follow, as in "individuals who in case of such an unsatisfactory job... will spend less time". |
| Coherence & Cohesion | 5 | The essay has a recognisable structure with an introduction, two body paragraphs and a conclusion, and it uses basic signposting such as "On the one hand", "However" and "In conclustion". Nevertheless, several sentences are overloaded or logically unclear, and the movement from accepting hardship to future generations and then to Cristiano Ronaldo is not sufficiently controlled. |
The answer
A learner answer, not a model answer — study what the marks reward, don't copy it.
Corrections from the marking
On the one hand, many advocates of accepting a terrible circumstances have a range of adjustifications to protect their opinions.
On the one hand, many advocates of accepting terrible circumstances have a range of adjustifications to protect their opinions.
Do not use the singular article "a" before the plural noun "circumstances".
adjustifications
justifications
"Adjustifications" is not a word; the correct noun meaning reasons supporting an opinion is "justifications".
protect their opinions
justify their opinions
"Protect an opinion" is not the appropriate collocation when giving reasons for it; use "justify an opinion".
One of the key reason is that individuals who in case of such an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money will spend less time on finding other places to commute or less negative energy when they feel disappointed about it than those who always try to seek a better environment, like earning more money or having a better life.
One of the key reasons is that individuals who, in the case of such an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money, will spend less time on finding other places to commute or less negative energy when they feel disappointed about it than those who always try to seek a better environment, like earning more money or having a better life.
The subject "one" requires the plural complement "reasons" in the fixed structure "one of the key reasons", and the phrase is "in the case of", not "in case of" in this context.
finding other places to commute
looking for alternative employment
"Find places to commute" does not express the intended idea of searching for a better job.
less negative energy
less emotional strain
"Less negative energy" is an imprecise collocation for the emotional burden caused by searching for change.
Proponents believe that these elements will keep these people from negative emotions, stay opimistic, along with improving their mental health.
Proponents believe that these elements will keep these people from negative emotions, help them stay opimistic, and improve their mental health.
The three verbs need a parallel structure after "will": "keep", "help" and "improve".
keep these people from negative emotions
protect these people from negative emotions
"Protect someone from negative emotions" is the natural collocation in this context.
How this answer could score higher
- Develop each viewpoint with one clear reason and a specific example: explain when accepting a bad situation may be practical, then show concretely how taking action can improve employment or finances.
- Build accurate complex sentences by checking subject-verb agreement, articles, pronouns and verb patterns; for example, use "One of the key reasons is that people facing an unsatisfactory job may spend less time looking for alternative employment."
- Replace inaccurate word forms and unnatural collocations with precise standard expressions, including "justifications", "sacrifice", "overcome the problem", "bravely" and "a better standard of living".
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