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Band 4.5 · 253 words · IELTS Writing Task 2

Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation , such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money .Others argue that it is better to try and improve . Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

This IELTS Writing Task 2 answer was marked Band 4.5 on the four official criteria. Its strongest criterion was Lexical Resource (5); Grammatical Range & Accuracy (4) held it back. The biggest single improvement: Make the position consistent: replace “we are neither” with a clear view on whether people should accept hardship or try to improve it, then maintain that view throughout.

How it was marked

CriterionBandWhy
Task Response4The essay touches on acceptance and taking action, but both views receive limited explanation and support. The position is unclear because “we are neither” is followed by “I stand with others who argue that change can change everything,” without explaining how these claims fit together.
Lexical Resource5The essay uses some relevant vocabulary, including “unsatisfactory job” and “favourable outcome,” but its word choice is often imprecise or repetitive. Spelling and collocation problems such as “definate” and “unsatisfactory reaction of event” reduce accuracy.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy4There are attempts at complex sentences, such as “While other contend that, we are not soldiers of fate,” but frequent errors in agreement, articles, word order and sentence construction limit accuracy. Some sentences remain understandable, but these recurring errors make the writing noticeably difficult to follow in places.
Coherence & Cohesion5The four-paragraph structure and signpost “On the one hand” make the essay’s broad organisation visible. However, the progression is weakened by repeated points about acceptance and action, and “And hence I support this view substantially” does not resolve the earlier line of argument.

The answer

A learner answer, not a model answer — study what the marks reward, don't copy it.

It is often argued that fate drives everything, and one must accept it. While other contend that, we are not soldiers of fate. It does not decide everything. We are the infact the makers of it. This essay argues that we are neither. And we must take actions out of duty without expecting any definate favourable outcome. On the one hand, people who accept every unfavorable incident in the name of fate might find it peaceful to live with, but taking actions to change that outcome is something very few actually do. Actions require acceptance first. Most stop at only acceptance and name it fate. I stand with others who argue that change can change everything if you work hard enough to make it happen. Acceptance might be the first step of taking action, because living in a mode of denial cannot lead a person to solve the problem. People who accept unfavorable incidents like unsatisfactory job, or losing money are likely to accept the situation and often address fate as the reason it occurred in the first place. These people actively need a reason to quit taking action and be satisfied in not taking actions to improve the conditions after they get one unsatisfactory reaction of event. People who take actions rather do not choose to put the blame on anything, and yes, not even themselves. They would rather spend the energy on taking further actions to improve their original condition to make it better. And hence I support this view substantially.

Corrections from the marking

  • While other contend that, we are not soldiers of fate.

    Others contend that we are not soldiers of fate.

    “Other” needs the plural form “others,” and a clause introduced by “while” cannot stand alone here; the comma after “that” also incorrectly separates the verb from its clause.

  • we are not soldiers of fate

    we are not at the mercy of fate

    “Soldiers of fate” is not a natural expression for being controlled by fate; “at the mercy of fate” conveys that idea idiomatically.

  • We are the infact the makers of it.

    We are in fact the makers of it.

    The article “the” is incorrectly placed before the adverbial phrase “in fact”; the article belongs before the noun phrase “the makers.”

  • the infact the makers of it

    in fact, the makers of it

    “In fact” is two words, not one.

  • we are neither

    neither view is entirely right

    “Neither” has no clear referent here, so the reader cannot tell which two positions are being rejected.

  • take actions out of duty

    act out of a sense of duty

    “Act out of a sense of duty” is the natural collocation; “take actions out of duty” is awkward.

  • definate

    definite

    The correct spelling is “definite.”

  • change can change everything

    effort can change everything

    Repeating “change” makes the expression imprecise; “effort” better identifies what can produce change.

How this answer could score higher

  1. Make the position consistent: replace “we are neither” with a clear view on whether people should accept hardship or try to improve it, then maintain that view throughout.
  2. Develop both sides with specific reasoning and examples instead of repeating “acceptance” and “taking actions”; explain, for example, why acceptance may ease stress and how retraining could improve an unsatisfactory job situation.
  3. Proofread sentence structure and basic grammar, especially “other contend,” “like unsatisfactory job,” and “we are the infact the makers of it”; use forms such as “others contend,” “like an unsatisfactory job,” and “in fact, we are its makers.”

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