When asked to choose between a life without work and working most of the time, people would always choose not to work. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?
This IELTS Writing Task 2 answer was marked Band 5.5 on the four official criteria. Its strongest criterion was Coherence & Cohesion (6); Grammatical Range & Accuracy (5) held it back. The biggest single improvement: Answer the preference claim directly: after “I firmly disagree,” explain why people would not always choose a life without work, while acknowledging that preferences may differ.
How it was marked
| Criterion | Band | Why |
|---|---|---|
| Task Response | 5.5 | The position is clear in “I firmly disagree,” and the essay gives two relevant reasons: personal fulfilment and society’s reliance on work. However, it mainly explains why work has benefits rather than directly examining whether people would “always choose not to work,” and the final recommendation about companies does not resolve that question. |
| Lexical Resource | 5 | The essay uses some topic-related vocabulary, including “human labor” and “social values,” but vocabulary is often imprecise or collocationally awkward. Repetition of general terms such as “people,” “work” and “society” also limits the range and precision of expression. |
| Grammatical Range & Accuracy | 5 | The response attempts complex sentences, for example “This is because people can get recognition or reward when they gain an successful performance in their jobs,” but grammatical errors occur regularly. Problems with articles, verb forms, agreement and clause construction reduce accuracy, although the main ideas generally remain understandable. |
| Coherence & Cohesion | 6 | The essay is organised into an introduction, two body paragraphs and a conclusion, and signposts such as “On the one hand” and “On the other hand” make its structure easy to follow. Some progression is mechanical, and repeated cause-and-effect markers such as “As a result” and “Consequently” make the links between ideas feel formulaic rather than fully developed. |
The answer
A learner answer, not a model answer — study what the marks reward, don't copy it.
Corrections from the marking
In recent years, working has become a debated topic in the public, raising the question of whether people should have a life without work or work most of the time.
In recent years, working has become a debated topic among the public, raising the question of whether people should live without working or work most of the time.
Use “among the public” rather than “in the public,” and keep the alternatives parallel by using “live” in both choices.
working has become a debated topic in the public
working has become a subject of public debate
“In the public” is not the usual collocation here; use “public debate” to describe a topic that people are discussing.
working can be regarded as a way to accomplish self-actualization
working can be regarded as a way to achieve self-actualization
“Achieve self-actualization” is the natural collocation; “accomplish” is not normally used with this noun.
This is because people can get recognition or reward when they gain an successful performance in their jobs.
This is because people can get recognition or reward when they achieve a successful performance in their jobs.
Use “a” before the consonant sound at the start of “successful”; “an” is used before vowel sounds.
when they gain an successful performance in their jobs
when they achieve success in their jobs
“Gain a performance” is not a natural collocation; use “achieve success” or “perform successfully.”
Some individuals could feel their importance for companies when they can understand their social values in their positions.
Some individuals could feel their importance to companies when they can understand their social values in their positions.
Use the preposition “to” to indicate the people or organisations for whom someone is important.
Some individuals could feel their importance for companies
Some individuals could feel that they are important to their companies
“Feel their importance for companies” is an unnatural expression; “feel important to their companies” conveys this meaning idiomatically.
when they can understand their social values in their positions
when they recognize the social value of their roles
“Understand their social values” is imprecise here; “recognize the social value of their roles” makes the intended idea clearer.
How this answer could score higher
- Answer the preference claim directly: after “I firmly disagree,” explain why people would not always choose a life without work, while acknowledging that preferences may differ.
- Improve grammatical accuracy by correcting recurring structures such as “an successful” and “when a person who has a job, his company need”; check articles, agreement and complete clauses.
- Replace awkward collocations such as “in the public” and “find the happiness at their work” with natural phrases such as “in public debate” and “derive satisfaction from their work.”
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