When asked to choose between a life without work and working most of the time, people would always choose not to work. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?
This IELTS Writing Task 2 answer was marked Band 5.5 on the four official criteria. Its strongest criterion was Coherence & Cohesion (6); Grammatical Range & Accuracy (5) held it back. The biggest single improvement: Answer the exact question explicitly: replace "I firmly agree that people should spend appropriate time on working" with a clear position on whether people would always choose not to work, and explain how this relates to working most of the time.
How it was marked
| Criterion | Band | Why |
|---|---|---|
| Task Response | 5 | The essay takes a position in favour of working, supported by points about personal fulfilment and social benefits, but it does not directly answer whether people would always choose not to work. The reasons are relevant but general, and the conclusion's recommendation about flexible work does not fully resolve the comparison in the question. |
| Lexical Resource | 5 | The essay uses some relevant topic vocabulary, including "self-actualization," "recognition," and "labor," but its range is limited and several word combinations are imprecise or unnatural. These collocation and word-choice problems sometimes make the intended meaning less clear. |
| Grammatical Range & Accuracy | 5 | The essay attempts a range of structures, including subordinate clauses such as "This is because people can get recognition or reward when they gain...". However, frequent errors in verb forms, agreement, articles and clause construction reduce accuracy, especially in longer sentences. |
| Coherence & Cohesion | 6 | The essay is organised into an introduction, two body paragraphs and a conclusion, with each body paragraph focused on a distinct reason. Linking phrases such as "On the one hand" and "Consequently" make the progression easy to follow, although some links are mechanical and the examples do not always develop the paragraph's main point clearly. |
The answer
A learner answer, not a model answer — study what the marks reward, don't copy it.
Corrections from the marking
In recent years, working has become a debated topic in the public.
In recent years, working has become a debated topic among the public.
Use “among the public” to describe a topic discussed by people generally; “in the public” is not the appropriate preposition here.
working has become a debated topic in the public
working has become a subject of public debate
“A subject of public debate” is the natural collocation; “a debated topic in the public” is not idiomatic.
it is meaningful to work in their most of time
it is meaningful to spend most of their time working
The word order in “most of their time” must place “most” before the possessive phrase, and the natural structure is “spend time working.”
a efficient way
an efficient way
Use “an” before a vowel sound, as in “efficient.”
without working in their lives can make the life more colorful
living without work can make life more colorful
The original “without” phrase cannot serve as the subject of “can make”; use a gerund clause, and omit the article before “life” when referring to life in general.
spend appropriate time on working
spend appropriate time working
Use “spend time doing something” without the preposition “on.”
a way to accomplish self-actualization
a way to achieve self-actualization
“Achieve self-actualization” is the conventional collocation.
when they gain an successful performance in their jobs
when they deliver a successful performance in their jobs
People usually “deliver” a performance; “gain a performance” is an incorrect collocation.
How this answer could score higher
- Answer the exact question explicitly: replace "I firmly agree that people should spend appropriate time on working" with a clear position on whether people would always choose not to work, and explain how this relates to working most of the time.
- Develop the comparison rather than listing benefits alone: acknowledge a drawback of working most of the time, then explain why meaningful or balanced work may still be preferable to no work.
- Edit for recurring grammar and collocation errors: for example, change "a person who success" to "a person who succeeds" and "invest with plenty of incomes" to "invest substantial tax revenue."
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