Artificial Intelligence and Employment Some people believe that the increasing use of artificial intelligence and machines will improve people's lives, while others are concerned about its consequences. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
This IELTS Writing Task 2 answer was marked Band 6 on the four official criteria. All four criteria were marked at 6. The biggest single improvement: Fully develop one specific example for each side: replace general claims such as "reduce effort and time spent" with a concrete mechanism and outcome, such as faster medical diagnosis improving patient care.
How it was marked
| Criterion | Band | Why |
|---|---|---|
| Task Response | 6 | The essay addresses both views and gives a clear opinion, particularly through the contrast between reducing effort in "help in reducing effort and time spent" and protecting "critical thinking and self-reliance." However, the main ideas are only partly developed: the benefits are supported mainly by general examples, while the disadvantages are listed more than explained in depth. |
| Lexical Resource | 6 | The essay uses a reasonably broad academic vocabulary, including "contentious," "catastrophic," "irreversible consequences," and "human-machine collaboration." Nevertheless, several word choices and collocations are imprecise, such as "AI definitely implements noticeable advances" and "these objectives," and there is a spelling error in "skils." |
| Grammatical Range & Accuracy | 6 | There is a useful range of structures, including concessive clauses in "although the arguments in favour of artificial intelligence are undeniably compelling" and complex sentences with "while" and "where." However, recurring sentence-boundary, punctuation, and clause-construction errors reduce accuracy, particularly the fragment "Leading to a rapid decrease" and the incomplete opening beginning "While some maintain." |
| Coherence & Cohesion | 6 | The response has a clear overall progression from the advantages to the disadvantages, followed by an opinion and conclusion, with effective paragraphing around phrases such as "Nevertheless" and "In my opinion." However, some connections are abrupt or unclear, especially the movement from "everyday practices" to the list of abilities and the compressed opening. |
The answer
A learner answer, not a model answer — study what the marks reward, don't copy it.
Corrections from the marking
While some maintain that it might have several consequences . From my standpoint, I firmly believe that technologically advanced devices can cause intellectual harm because they make our habits faster and less intimate.
While some maintain that it might have several consequences, from my standpoint, I firmly believe that technologically advanced devices can cause intellectual harm because they make our habits faster and less intimate.
A clause beginning with “while” cannot stand alone, so it must be joined to the main clause with a comma; the space before the full stop must also be removed.
because they make our habits faster and less intimate.
because they make our routines faster-paced and less personal.
"Make our habits faster" is an unnatural collocation, and "less personal" is more precise than "less intimate" in this context.
technology-enhanced instruments
technology-enhanced tools
"Tools" is the natural collocation for practical technologies such as artificial intelligence systems.
artificial intelligence is designed to be everywhere
artificial intelligence is increasingly embedded in everyday life
AI is not normally described as being "designed to be everywhere"; "embedded in everyday life" expresses widespread integration more precisely.
AI definitely implements noticeable advances in our daily life.
AI definitely brings noticeable improvements to our daily lives.
"Implement advances" is not a natural collocation; technology can bring improvements or drive progress.
Nevertheless,this view underestimates the catastrophic and often irreversible consequences of artificial intelligence.
Nevertheless, this view underestimates the catastrophic and often irreversible consequences of artificial intelligence.
A space is required after the comma in the introductory transitional expression “Nevertheless, this”.
humankind is often less tempted to do anything that an AI tool can do in seconds.
humankind is often less inclined to do anything that an AI tool can do in seconds.
"Less tempted" suggests resisting a desire, whereas "less inclined" correctly means less willing or likely to perform the task.
Leading to a rapid decrease in their critical thinking skils, ability to make sound choices, creativity, and even their food preferences are determined.
This leads to a rapid decrease in their critical thinking skills, their ability to make sound choices, and their creativity, while even their food preferences are determined by AI.
The sentence begins with a dangling participial fragment and incorrectly attaches “are determined” to the preceding list, so it needs an explicit subject and a properly constructed subordinate clause.
How this answer could score higher
- Fully develop one specific example for each side: replace general claims such as "reduce effort and time spent" with a concrete mechanism and outcome, such as faster medical diagnosis improving patient care.
- Improve sentence accuracy by eliminating fragments such as "While some maintain..." and "Leading to a rapid decrease"; combine each with a complete main clause.
- Use more precise collocations and nouns: change "AI definitely implements noticeable advances" to "AI has brought significant advances," and change "these objectives" to "these two positions."
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