Some students work while studying. This often results in lacking time for education and constantly feeling under pressure. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest?
This IELTS Writing Task 2 answer was marked Band 6.5 on the four official criteria. Its strongest criterion was Coherence & Cohesion (7); Grammatical Range & Accuracy (6) held it back. The biggest single improvement: Develop both causes and ensure each has a directly matched solution: after "poor time management," explain how scheduling support or a weekly timetable could help.
How it was marked
| Criterion | Band | Why |
|---|---|---|
| Task Response | 6 | The essay addresses both causes and solutions, identifying financial pressure and poor time management, then suggesting scholarships and flexible working hours. The ideas are relevant, but development is uneven: the financial cause is explained with an example, while the time-management cause and the matching solutions receive less detail. |
| Lexical Resource | 6 | The essay uses appropriate topic vocabulary, including "financial pressure," "academic responsibilities" and "financial assistance." Some collocations are imprecise or unnatural, which limits the precision and flexibility of the vocabulary. |
| Grammatical Range & Accuracy | 6 | There is a useful mix of simple and complex sentences, including subordinate clauses beginning with "so," "which" and "that." Several agreement and sentence-level errors remain, although the intended meaning is generally clear. |
| Coherence & Cohesion | 7 | The essay is clearly organised into an introduction, causes, solutions and conclusion, and its ideas progress in a logical order. Cohesive devices such as "In addition," "As a result" and "For instance" help connect points, although the organisation of the ideas within the body paragraphs is fairly formulaic. |
The answer
A learner answer, not a model answer — study what the marks reward, don't copy it.
Corrections from the marking
The main reason of this problem are financial difficulties and poor time management.
The main reasons for this problem are financial difficulties and poor time management.
Use the plural subject “reasons” to agree with “are” and the preposition “for” after “reasons.”
Some families are unable to afford high tuition fees so their children need to work part-time jobs.
Some families are unable to afford high tuition fees, so their children need to work part-time jobs.
Add a comma before “so” because it joins two independent clauses.
However, there are several ways to improve these issues.
However, there are several ways to address these issues.
“Address” collocates more naturally with “issues”; “improve” usually describes a condition or outcome rather than the issues themselves.
First, governments should offer more scholarships and financial assistance to reduce the economic pressure from low-income families.
First, governments should offer more scholarships and financial assistance to reduce the economic pressure on low-income families.
“Pressure from low-income families” suggests that families are applying pressure; “pressure on low-income families” expresses the intended meaning.
financial assistance to reduce the economic pressure from low-income families.
financial assistance to reduce the economic pressure on low-income families.
Use “pressure on” to describe pressure experienced by a group; “pressure from” suggests that the group is causing it.
It can also encourage students to study harder.
This support can also encourage students to study harder.
“It” has no clear singular antecedent after the plural items “scholarships and financial assistance”; use a clear reference instead.
It can also encourage students to study harder.
Such support can also encourage students to study harder.
“It” has an unclear reference; naming “such support” makes the link to the previous sentence explicit.
Moreover, employers could offer flexible working hours so that students can have more space to manage their time.
Moreover, employers could offer flexible working hours so that students have more flexibility to manage their time.
“More space to manage their time” is an unnatural collocation; “more flexibility” clearly conveys the intended meaning.
How this answer could score higher
- Develop both causes and ensure each has a directly matched solution: after "poor time management," explain how scheduling support or a weekly timetable could help.
- Improve collocations by replacing "more space to manage their time" with "greater flexibility to manage their schedules" and "preparing the tests" with "preparing for exams."
- Proofread subject–verb agreement: correct "The main reason ... are" to "The main reasons ... are" and revise "which make them feel stressed" to match its subject.
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