Prison is an effective punishment for people who commit crimes. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
This IELTS Writing Task 2 answer was marked Band 8 on the four official criteria. All four criteria were marked at 8. The biggest single improvement: Address the concept of 'punishment' more directly in Body 1 by discussing deterrence or loss of liberty alongside rehabilitation programmes.
How it was marked
| Criterion | Band | Why |
|---|---|---|
| Task Response | 8 | The response presents a clear, well-developed position throughout, directly addressing whether prison is an effective punishment. The arguments logically contrast the rehabilitative benefits of incarceration against its negative psychological and social consequences. |
| Lexical Resource | 8 | The essay displays a wide range of topic-specific vocabulary used with precision, natural collocation, and flexibility. Spelling and word formation are completely accurate throughout. |
| Grammatical Range & Accuracy | 8 | A wide variety of complex structures is used with a consistently high level of accuracy. Sentences are error-free, featuring effective use of gerund subjects, relative clauses, and conditionals. |
| Coherence & Cohesion | 8 | The essay is logically organized with clear paragraphing and a smooth progression of ideas. Cohesive devices and lexical referencing are used effectively to connect sentences and paragraphs seamlessly. |
The answer
A learner answer, not a model answer — study what the marks reward, don't copy it.
Corrections from the marking
In this day and age, the forms of punishment for criminals have become an increasingly debated topic in many parts of the world.
In contemporary society, the forms of punishment for criminals have become an increasingly debated topic in many parts of the world.
The phrase 'In this day and age' is an overused cliché; using 'In contemporary society' maintains a more appropriate academic register.
On the one hand, punishing offenders with imprisonment can benefit their future development.
On the one hand, punishing offenders with imprisonment can support their rehabilitation.
The expression 'future development' is vague and typically applied to economics or child growth; 'rehabilitation' is the precise penological term.
Through these courses, they can gain a deeper understanding of their past behaviour, which may encourage them to become better versions of themselves.
Through these courses, they can gain a deeper understanding of their past behaviour, which may encourage them to reform.
The idiom 'become better versions of themselves' belongs to popular psychology and is too informal for an academic task.
Being confined to a prison and deprived of their freedom may cause offenders to feel lonely and frustrated.
Being confined to prison and deprived of their freedom may cause offenders to feel lonely and frustrated.
The indefinite article 'a' should be omitted before 'prison' when referring to the institution or state of incarceration in general rather than a specific physical building.
Furthermore, some former prisoners may struggle with social discrimination after their release, which can make it difficult for them to rebuild their lives.
Furthermore, some former prisoners may struggle with social stigma after their release, which can make it difficult for them to rebuild their lives.
The term 'social stigma' is much more precise than 'social discrimination' when referring to the societal rejection and prejudice faced by ex-offenders.
For example, an offender who has served a prison sentence may lose confidence in the future, particularly if they struggle to find a job or rebuild relationships with others.
For example, an offender who has served a prison sentence may lose hope for their future, particularly if they struggle to find a job or rebuild relationships with others.
Using 'in the future' creates confusion with the temporal phrase; 'hope for their future' or 'confidence regarding their future prospects' is more idiomatic.
How this answer could score higher
- Address the concept of 'punishment' more directly in Body 1 by discussing deterrence or loss of liberty alongside rehabilitation programmes.
- Replace repetitive transition markers like 'In the long run' (used twice) and mechanical links like 'On the one hand / On the other hand' with more cohesive topic signposts.
- Introduce sophisticated structures such as inverted conditionals (e.g., 'Were support services to be provided upon release...') to push Grammatical Range to Band 9.
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