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Band 5.5 · 383 words · IELTS Writing Task 2

Prison is an effective punishment for people who commit crimes. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

This IELTS Writing Task 2 answer was marked Band 5.5 on the four official criteria. Its strongest criterion was Task Response (6); Grammatical Range & Accuracy (5) held it back. The biggest single improvement: Eliminate persistent spelling errors ('prople', 'enthoutisasm', 'gouvernments', 'responsiable') through targeted proofreading.

How it was marked

CriterionBandWhy
Task Response6The essay presents a clear position addressing both sides of the prompt, agreeing partially that prison has benefits while highlighting negative health impacts. However, some supporting arguments are weakly developed, and the conclusion introduces unrelated recommendations such as school curricula.
Lexical Resource5The candidate attempts some task-relevant vocabulary, but errors in word choice, collocations, and spelling are frequent and noticeable throughout the response. Incorrect word forms occasionally disrupt precision.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy5While complex structures are attempted, grammatical mistakes occur frequently, including errors in modal verbs, subject-verb agreement, and passive verb forms. Punctuation and capitalization errors are also present.
Coherence & Cohesion6The response is organized into logical paragraphs with a standard essay structure. While transitions are present, the use of cohesive devices occasionally feels mechanical, and some logical connections between sentences are unclear.

The answer

A learner answer, not a model answer — study what the marks reward, don't copy it.

In this day and age, the form of punishment for criminals has become an increasingly debated topic in many parts of the world. When some prople argue that prison is an effective way to punish the offenders, I partly agree with this opinion because it can make a negative impact on criminals’ health. On the one hand, punishing the offenders with imprisonment is essential for their developments in the future. This is because there are plenty of relatives courses in prison which will be introduce to criminals in order to teach them how to be responsible people in contemporary society. They can have a deeper understanding for their behaviors in the past, which encourage them to become better versions of themselves. For example, an offender can learn the consequences of his crime by having some lessons. Moreover, some professional courses will be introduced also to motivate them to develop an ability such as cooking or planting which can help them find jobs. As a result, The criminals that have finished their processes of punishment can influence other people. In addition, the population of crimes may show a decrease. On the other hand, one major reason why prison is not an ideal solution for criminals is that it can make them suffer mental problem. It means that the offenders are imprisoned in a specific place so they are derived from freedom which could make them feel lonely and unpleasant. Furthermore, the criminals could regarded themselves as special people among others which enable them to be negative for their lives. For instance, an offender who serve his sentence and follow the instructors of police in the prison could lose his enthoutisasm about the future. In the long run, he can suffer from mental disease which can weaken his health. Consequently, even though the crimials understand the importance of being a responsiable person, they may suffer mental problem and could not live in the society. In conclusion, it is clear that prison can not only help criminals understand their errors but also make them suffer from mental health. It is recommended that gouvernments should introduce relative regulations to protect society and implement new policies to punish these offenders such as digital controlling, while schools are also responsiable for students’ behaviors by improving their critical thinking skills.

Corrections from the marking

  • When some prople argue that prison is an effective way to punish the offenders, I partly agree with this opinion because it can make a negative impact on criminals’ health.

    While some prople argue that prison is an effective way to punish the offenders, I partly agree with this opinion because it can make a negative impact on criminals’ health.

    Use 'While' or 'Although' instead of 'When' to introduce a clause showing contrast or concession.

  • When some prople argue that prison is an effective way to punish the offenders

    While some people argue that prison is an effective way to punish offenders

    'Prople' is a spelling mistake for 'people', and 'When' is an inappropriate linking word here where a contrastive connective like 'While' is needed.

  • I partly agree with this opinion because it can make a negative impact on criminals’ health.

    I partly agree with this opinion because it can have a negative impact on criminals’ health.

    The standard verb that collocates with 'impact' in this context is 'have' or 'exert', rather than 'make'.

  • On the one hand, punishing the offenders with imprisonment is essential for their developments in the future.

    On the one hand, punishing the offenders with imprisonment is essential for their development in the future.

    The noun 'development' is uncountable when referring to personal growth or progress.

  • punishing the offenders with imprisonment is essential for their developments in the future.

    punishing offenders with imprisonment is essential for their development in the future.

    'Development' is uncountable when referring to personal growth or progress, making the plural 'developments' incorrect.

  • This is because there are plenty of relatives courses in prison which will be introduce to criminals in order to teach them how to be responsible people in contemporary society.

    This is because there are plenty of relatives courses in prison which will be introduced to criminals in order to teach them how to be responsible people in contemporary society.

    A passive construction following 'will be' requires a past participle verb form ('introduced').

  • there are plenty of relatives courses in prison

    there are plenty of relevant courses in prison

    'Relatives' is a noun referring to family members; the adjective 'relevant' or 'rehabilitative' is required to describe the courses.

  • They can have a deeper understanding for their behaviors in the past, which encourage them to become better versions of themselves.

    They can have a deeper understanding of their behaviors in the past, which encourages them to become better versions of themselves.

    The noun 'understanding' takes the preposition 'of', and the singular clause antecedent requires the third-person singular verb 'encourages'.

How this answer could score higher

  1. Eliminate persistent spelling errors ('prople', 'enthoutisasm', 'gouvernments', 'responsiable') through targeted proofreading.
  2. Master basic verb patterns and modal structures (e.g., use bare infinitives after modals like 'could regard', and correct passive forms like 'will be introduced').
  3. Maintain focus on the prompt in the conclusion by summarizing main points instead of proposing unrelated new solutions like school curricula.

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