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Band 6 · 378 words · IELTS Writing Task 2

Write about the following topic: Some people argue that primary schools focus too much on formal learning. To what extent do you agree with this opinion? How important do you think it is for children to play as well as learn in the primary school classroom? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

This IELTS Writing Task 2 answer was marked Band 6 on the four official criteria. Its strongest criterion was Task Response (6); Grammatical Range & Accuracy (5) held it back. The biggest single improvement: Answer both parts of the question more directly by explaining the disadvantages of excessive formal learning as well as the benefits of play, using classroom-focused examples rather than mainly field trips or future jobs.

How it was marked

CriterionBandWhy
Task Response6The essay clearly agrees that primary schools focus too much on formal learning and addresses the importance of play through benefits such as physical development and communication. However, some ideas are only partly developed, and the discussion sometimes shifts from classroom play to broader activities such as field trips and possible future jobs.
Lexical Resource6The essay uses an adequate range of topic vocabulary, including "formal learning", "communication skills", "collaboration" and "interactive teaching methods". However, repeated spelling and word-form errors, together with several unnatural collocations such as "motoric skills" and "interactivity skills", prevent consistently precise control.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy5The essay includes a reasonable mixture of simple and complex sentences, including clauses introduced by "Since" and "If". Nevertheless, frequent errors in subject-verb agreement, articles, plurals and sentence construction occur throughout, although they do not usually prevent understanding.
Coherence & Cohesion6The essay has a clear four-paragraph structure, with separate paragraphs for the benefits of play and its integration into learning. Ideas generally progress logically, although repetition of "play", "skills" and "learning" and some awkward connections weaken the flow.

The answer

A learner answer, not a model answer — study what the marks reward, don't copy it.

It has come to a concern that primary schools are too focused on formal learning rather than balancing the learning process between learning and playing. I totally agree with the following statement because play is a very important aspect during a child's developing stages. It provides vital benefits that can support the child's growth. Play is a crucial aspect in a child's life. Through play, children can learn communication skills and develop motoric skills. Since playing mostly involves physical movement, frequent exposure to these types of activities can help develop a child's motoric skills which can be beneficial for some jobs or activities that requires physicall skills. Additionally, playing often involves multiple people. This forces childrens to learn interactivity skills such as speaking or conveying ideas. Team based games such as football helps build collaboration and skills too since the game involves 2 teams going against each other. During early ages, children are usually more interested in play compared to formal learning. If play could be brought into a primary school classroom, the learning process could essentially kill two birds using one stone. Children learn theory based subjects while also having fun in doing so. This increases classroom enggagement. International curiculums such as the Pearson curiculum forces interactive teaching methods for early ages. This includes playing. Children are frequently involved in mini games like math battles, a game where children are faced with an oponent and they have to solve mathematical problems as fast as possible. Field trips are also essential in the Pearson curiculum. Regular field trips to the zoo helps children learn about all kinds of species while also being enggaged in the zoo's activities such as drawing pictures of animals, or even riding on elephants. These forms of physical activity allows children to be fully involved in the learning process while having fun. To conclude, play is a very important aspect in a child's growth. It provides vital benefits such as increased motoric skills, enhanced interactivity skills, and even better knowledge about the nature of the world. Since some primary school nowadays are too focused on formal learning, they should consider incorporating play into the curiculum to ensure that children can be fully involved in the learning process while developing their motoric and interactivity skills.

Corrections from the marking

  • It has come to a concern that primary schools are too focused on formal learning rather than balancing the learning process between learning and playing.

    There is growing concern that primary schools are too focused on formal learning rather than balancing formal learning with play.

    "Come to a concern" is not an idiomatic expression, and "balance learning between learning and playing" is repetitive and poorly collocated.

  • a child's developing stages

    a child's developmental stages

    The adjective "developmental" is the standard form used to describe stages of a child's development.

  • develop motoric skills.

    develop motor skills.

    "Motor skills" is the established collocation in English; "motoric skills" is not normally used in this context.

  • frequent exposure to these types of activities can help develop a child's motoric skills which can be beneficial for some jobs or activities that requires physicall skills.

    frequent exposure to these types of activities can help develop a child's motoric skills which can be beneficial for some jobs or activities that require physicall skills.

    The relative pronoun "that" refers to the plural noun "activities", so the verb must be "require", not "requires".

  • a child's motoric skills which can be beneficial for some jobs or activities

    a child's motor skills which can be beneficial for some jobs or activities

    The correct collocation is "motor skills," not "motoric skills."

  • that requires physicall skills.

    that requires physical skills.

    "Physicall" is a spelling error; the correct spelling is "physical."

  • This forces childrens to learn interactivity skills such as speaking or conveying ideas.

    This forces children to learn interactivity skills such as speaking or conveying ideas.

    "Children" is the irregular plural form of "child" and does not take the additional plural ending "-s".

  • forces childrens to learn interactivity skills

    forces children to learn interactivity skills

    The irregular plural of "child" is "children," not "childrens."

How this answer could score higher

  1. Answer both parts of the question more directly by explaining the disadvantages of excessive formal learning as well as the benefits of play, using classroom-focused examples rather than mainly field trips or future jobs.
  2. Improve grammatical accuracy through systematic checking of agreement, plurals and sentence construction, especially errors such as "games ... helps", "activities that requires" and "some primary school".
  3. Replace unnatural or inaccurate vocabulary and correct spelling throughout: use "motor skills", "interpersonal skills", "curriculum", "engagement" and "children" instead of "motoric skills", "interactivity skills", "curiculum", "enggagement" and "childrens".

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