Some people fail in school, but end up being successful in life. Why do you think that is the case? What is the most important thing to succeed in life?
This IELTS Writing Task 2 answer was marked Band 6 on the four official criteria. Its strongest criterion was Task Response (6); Grammatical Range & Accuracy (5) held it back. The biggest single improvement: Improve grammatical accuracy, especially verb forms and sentence construction: change "people could be also succeed" to "people can also succeed" and "The motive of is that he wants" to "His motivation was that he wanted".
How it was marked
| Criterion | Band | Why |
|---|---|---|
| Task Response | 6 | The essay answers both questions and presents a clear position that school failure does not prevent success, while doing work one loves is the most important factor. However, the explanations are somewhat general and the examples, such as "Coffee" and "Gary", need more precise explanation of how their experiences demonstrate the main ideas. |
| Lexical Resource | 6 | The essay uses a reasonable range of topic vocabulary, including "professional occupation", "nurture", "pivotal", "traditional values" and "fulfilling his dream". Nevertheless, several unnatural collocations and imprecise expressions, such as "show off their strength" and "transferred her talent to her job", prevent the vocabulary from being consistently precise and natural. |
| Grammatical Range & Accuracy | 5 | The essay attempts a range of complex structures, including relative clauses, concessive clauses and conditional ideas, but grammatical errors are frequent throughout. Errors in verb forms, articles, agreement, sentence construction and prepositions sometimes make the writing awkward, as in "people could be also succeed" and "The motive of is that he wants to complete his childhood dream". |
| Coherence & Cohesion | 6 | The essay has a clear four-paragraph structure, with one paragraph explaining school failure and another discussing passion as a route to success. Progression is generally easy to follow, although some connections are awkward, as in "We can see she become successful when she transferred her talent to her job" and the conclusion repeats earlier ideas without adding a final synthesis. |
The answer
A learner answer, not a model answer — study what the marks reward, don't copy it.
Corrections from the marking
Processing high qualification could be easier engage in a professional occupation with high salary, and it always defined as successful in the society.
Processing a high qualification could make it easier to engage in a professional occupation with a high salary, and such an occupation is always defined as successful in society.
Singular countable nouns need articles, the infinitive requires “to engage”, and the passive clause requires the auxiliary verb “is”; the unnecessary article before general “society” should also be removed.
Processing high qualification
Obtaining a higher qualification
"Processing" is not the natural verb for gaining a qualification; "obtaining" or "earning" is appropriate, and "higher qualification" is the natural collocation.
it always defined as successful in the society
it is widely regarded as a sign of success in society
"Regarded as a sign of success" is a more precise and natural expression than "defined as successful" for describing social perceptions.
However, people could be also succeed in life with their own talents but not limited by school.
However, people could also succeed in life through their own talents without being limited by school.
The modal “could” must be followed by the base verb “succeed”, and “without being limited” is the correct passive construction.
but not limited by school
without being limited by their academic performance
Academic performance, rather than school itself, is what limits or does not limit a person's future opportunities.
Also, nothing is more important than do what you are passionate about to be succeed in your life.
Also, nothing is more important than doing what you are passionate about to be successful in your life.
After “than” in this comparison, use a gerund, and the adjective “successful”, not the passive form “be succeed”, is required after “be”.
to be succeed in your life
to succeed in life
"Succeed" is the correct verb; "succeed" cannot follow "be" in this expression.
To start with, people who fail in school only means it is not a right place for them to nurture or show off their strength, it is narrow-minded to think it is fail in life.
To start with, people who fail in school only mean that it is not the right place for them to nurture or show off their strength; it is narrow-minded to think that this is a failure in life.
The plural subject “people” requires “mean”, the clauses are incorrectly joined by a comma, and the singular noun phrases require appropriate articles and clause structures.
How this answer could score higher
- Improve grammatical accuracy, especially verb forms and sentence construction: change "people could be also succeed" to "people can also succeed" and "The motive of is that he wants" to "His motivation was that he wanted".
- Develop each main idea with a clear explanation after the example: explain why academic failure may reveal a mismatch with school rather than a lack of ability, and how passion supports persistence and satisfaction.
- Use natural collocations instead of direct translations: replace "show off their strength", "transferred her talent to her job" and "manifested his life to what he really wants" with "demonstrate their strengths", "turn her talent into a career" and "build a life around what he truly wants".
Other answers to this question
Write your own answer to this question
Is this your essay? Request removal. Essays are published without any name, email or account details.