Some people think that parents should teach their children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the best place to learn this. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
This IELTS Writing Task 2 answer was marked Band 7 on the four official criteria. Its strongest criterion was Grammatical Range & Accuracy (7); Lexical Resource (6.5) held it back. The biggest single improvement: Make every example directly address citizenship: replace the alumni example with specific school practices such as group work, conflict resolution, rule-following and community service.
How it was marked
| Criterion | Band | Why |
|---|---|---|
| Task Response | 6.5 | The essay addresses both views and presents a clear opinion that "family upbringing plays a more important role". However, development is uneven: the school discussion focuses on "successful alumni" and academic contribution rather than directly explaining how schools teach social responsibility, while the claim that "one to one lessons at home" develop citizenship is only partly relevant. |
| Lexical Resource | 6.5 | The essay uses a reasonably broad range, including "cognitive development", "successful alumni", "compassion" and "integrity", with generally appropriate academic vocabulary. Some collocations and expressions are awkward or imprecise, such as "study this", "good parts of the community" and "proper schooling", preventing consistently natural word choice. |
| Grammatical Range & Accuracy | 7 | The response uses a good mixture of complex structures, including "Although the latter opinion can be beneficial in some cases" and "which makes it difficult for educators to provide proper schooling". Grammar is generally accurate, but a few sentence-construction and punctuation problems, including the coordination in "Professor Ngo Bao, Professor Nguyen Hung who", prevent a higher band. |
| Coherence & Cohesion | 7 | The response has a clear four-paragraph structure, and progression from "Schools can be considered suitable places" to "I believe that parents play a more important role" is easy to follow. Cohesive devices such as "However", "Furthermore" and "For example" are generally used effectively, although some ideas are linked through repetition rather than precise explanation. |
The answer
A learner answer, not a model answer — study what the marks reward, don't copy it.
Corrections from the marking
while others believe that sending children to educational institutions is the best way for them to study this.
while others believe that sending children to educational institutions is the best way for them to learn these values.
"Study" is normally used for academic subjects, whereas social behaviour and values are learned.
Although the latter opinion can be beneficial in some cases, I believe that family upbringing plays a more important role in educating children to be good parts of the community.
Although the latter opinion can be beneficial in some cases, I believe that family upbringing plays a more important role in educating children to become good members of the community.
"Parts of the community" is not the appropriate collocation for people; use "members of the community."
For example, Trung Vuong school and Vinschool are well known for having nurtured successful alumni such as Professor Ngo Bao, Professor Nguyen Hung who have devoted their talents to the development of the country.
For example, Trung Vuong School and Vinschool are well known for having nurtured successful alumni such as Professor Ngo Bao and Professor Nguyen Hung, who have devoted their talents to the development of the country.
A coordinated list of two people requires “and”, and the non-defining relative clause referring to both people must be separated by a comma.
One to one lessons at home, on the other hand, allow children to progress faster.
One-to-one lessons at home, on the other hand, allow children to progress faster.
The compound adjective before the plural noun “lessons” should be hyphenated as “one-to-one”.
For example, by telling stories such as Robin Hood, Cinderella before bedtime, parents can instil a sense of compassion and integrity into them.
For example, by telling stories such as Robin Hood and Cinderella before bedtime, parents can instil a sense of compassion and integrity into them.
Two coordinated items in this list require the conjunction “and” rather than a comma alone.
How this answer could score higher
- Make every example directly address citizenship: replace the alumni example with specific school practices such as group work, conflict resolution, rule-following and community service.
- Improve collocation precision by changing "study this", "good parts of the community" and "proper schooling" to "learn these social responsibilities", "responsible members of the community" and "sufficient individual attention".
- Proofread complex sentences for coordination and punctuation, especially "Professor Ngo Bao, Professor Nguyen Hung who..." and "Robin Hood, Cinderella before bedtime", and use the corrected versions provided above.
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