Some people think that parents should teach their children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the best place to learn this. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
This IELTS Writing Task 2 answer was marked Band 6.5 on the four official criteria. Its strongest criterion was Task Response (7); Grammatical Range & Accuracy (6) held it back. The biggest single improvement: Develop the parents' side beyond "parents responsibility" by explaining how daily parental behaviour and reinforcement at home complement formal school teaching.
How it was marked
| Criterion | Band | Why |
|---|---|---|
| Task Response | 7 | The essay addresses both views and presents a clear position that schools should be primarily responsible, while parents should act as "quarterbacks". Ideas are relevant and supported by examples such as the daughter's experience and "Japanese Schools", but the parental perspective is less fully developed than the school-based argument. |
| Lexical Resource | 6 | The essay uses a reasonably varied range, including topic-specific expressions such as "character building", "diversity, inclusion", and "subject matter experts". However, recurring spelling and word-choice problems in items such as "responsibile", "embeded", and "mimick", together with the slightly informal metaphor "quarterbacks", prevent consistently precise control. |
| Grammatical Range & Accuracy | 6 | There is a useful range of structures, including complex sentences such as "Neither me nor my spouse could have done a better job than my daughter's teacher" and the subordinate clause beginning "as kids consciously and subconsciously". Nevertheless, several recurring errors with articles, pronouns, possessives, prepositions, and sentence construction show that grammatical control is only generally effective. |
| Coherence & Cohesion | 7 | The response has a clear progression from the introduction to the school argument, the Japanese example, the parental role, and the conclusion, with effective paragraphing. Cohesion is generally successful through expressions such as "Moreover", "Nonetheless", and "In a nutshell", although the repeated use of "Moreover" and some unclear referencing reduce smoothness. |
The answer
A learner answer, not a model answer — study what the marks reward, don't copy it.
Corrections from the marking
However, often the question is who should be primarily responsibile for laying such a strong foundation of values for children - parents or schools?
However, often the question is who should be primarily responsibile for laying such a strong foundation of values for children—parents or schools.
Because this is an indirect question within a declarative sentence, it should end with a full stop; the parenthetical alternatives should also be separated with an em dash rather than a spaced hyphen.
responsibile
responsible
The adjective is misspelled; the correct spelling is "responsible".
I believe schools should be primarily responsible for this with parents playing important role as quarterbacks.
I believe schools should be primarily responsible for this, with parents playing an important role as quarterbacks.
The singular countable noun phrase "important role" requires the indefinite article "an"; a comma also helps separate the supplementary participial phrase.
with parents playing important role as quarterbacks
with parents serving as vital supporting figures
"Quarterbacks" is an overly informal and culturally specific metaphor here; "supporting figures" expresses the intended parental role more precisely.
delivering complex concepts and ideas to children lucidly
explaining complex concepts and ideas to children clearly
Teachers explain or present concepts rather than usually "deliver" them, and "clearly" is the more natural collocation in this context.
I have personally experienced this with my 8-years-old daughter in Canada.
I have personally experienced this with my 8-year-old daughter in Canada.
In a compound adjective before a noun, "year" remains singular and the whole expression is hyphenated.
Neither me nor my spouse could have done a better job than my daughter's teacher in explaining her about diversity, inclusion, and love for nature.
Neither my spouse nor I could have done a better job than my daughter's teacher in explaining diversity, inclusion, and love for nature to her.
A subject pronoun is required after "nor", and "explain" takes the person as an indirect object rather than the construction "explain someone about".
Another strong example to support my argument could be Japanese Schools, who have been consistently recognized for their contributions towards character building of children.
Another strong example to support my argument could be Japanese Schools, which have been consistently recognized for their contributions towards character building of children.
The relative pronoun "which", not "who", is required when the antecedent is the non-human noun "schools".
How this answer could score higher
- Develop the parents' side beyond "parents responsibility" by explaining how daily parental behaviour and reinforcement at home complement formal school teaching.
- Eliminate recurring grammar errors by correcting phrases such as "playing important role", "Neither me nor my spouse", and "parents have important role to play in too".
- Improve lexical accuracy and academic precision by changing "responsibile", "embeded", and "mimick" and replacing the informal metaphor "quarterbacks" with "supporting partners".
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