Skip to content
IELTSbiz
All answers to this question
Band 6.5 · 256 words · IELTS Writing Task 2

Many processed food and drink products contain excessive sugar which contribute to a wide range of health issues. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

This IELTS Writing Task 2 answer was marked Band 6.5 on the four official criteria. Its strongest criterion was Grammatical Range & Accuracy (7); Coherence & Cohesion (6) held it back. The biggest single improvement: Develop each main idea more fully: explain why taxation works, why its effect may differ by income group, and exactly how education and product reformulation would complement it.

How it was marked

CriterionBandWhy
Task Response6The position is clear in "This essay will analyse why I partly agree with this view", and both the benefits and limitations of price increases are addressed. However, the ideas are only moderately developed, particularly the claim that the measure is "only effective for poor people", and the proposed alternatives are not explained in sufficient detail.
Lexical Resource6The essay uses an adequate range of topic vocabulary, including "processed food and drink products", "health conditions" and "high blood pressure", with generally clear meaning. However, repetition of words such as "products", "consumption" and "healthier", together with the spelling error "eduction" and some imprecise collocations, prevents a higher band.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy7The response uses a good mixture of simple and complex structures, including subordinate clauses in "as people are sensitive to price changes" and a conditional sentence in "If people recognise this is healthier". Grammar is generally accurate and meaning remains clear, although a few constructions are awkward and the range could be made more flexible.
Coherence & Cohesion6The response has a clear four-paragraph structure, with one paragraph supporting higher prices and another presenting a limitation. Cohesion is generally effective through devices such as "For instance", "On the other hand" and "In conclusion", but the repeated use of "Therefore" and some abrupt progression reduce the smoothness of the argument.

The answer

A learner answer, not a model answer — study what the marks reward, don't copy it.

Nowadays, many processed food and drink products contain excessive sugar, which causes a wide range of health problems. Views differ on whether sugary products should be more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. This essay will analyse why I partly agree with this view. Increasing the price of sugary products can considerably reduce consumption, as people are sensitive to price changes and have to allocate their budget between living expenses and snacks. For instance, if the price of an ice cream rises from $10 to $20, people will change their consumption frequency from eating once a week to once a month. As a result of this decline in consumption, people can reduce their risk of developing health conditions such as obesity and high blood pressure. On the other hand, the measure is only effective for poor people who have a lower income. The wealthy consumers still purchase these products that contain high levels of sugar. Therefore, retailers and manufacturers need to produce food and drinks using healthier sweeteners. For example, Coca-Cola, a renowned company producing various drinks, has a zero-sugar option. If people recognise this is healthier than other drinks, they will increasingly pay more attention to health issues. Therefore, taxation alone cannot reduce consumption across all income groups, so it should be combined with eduction alternatives. In conclusion, I partly agree that sugary products should be more expensive to reduce consumption. However, it is crucial to make individuals understand how to maintain healthy habits. Both government and businesses need to educate the public.

Corrections from the marking

  • For instance, if the price of an ice cream rises from $10 to $20, people will change their consumption frequency from eating once a week to once a month.

    For instance, if the price of an ice cream rises from $10 to $20, people will reduce the frequency with which they eat it from once a week to once a month.

    The collocation "change their consumption frequency from eating" is unnatural; use "reduce the frequency with which they eat it".

  • If people recognise this is healthier than other drinks, they will increasingly pay more attention to health issues.

    If people recognise that this option is healthier than other drinks, they will increasingly pay more attention to their health.

    "Health issues" usually refers to health problems, whereas "their health" is the more precise collocation in this context.

  • so it should be combined with eduction alternatives.

    so it should be combined with educational alternatives.

    "Eduction" is misspelled, and the adjective "educational" is needed to modify "alternatives" naturally.

  • Both government and businesses need to educate the public.

    Both the government and businesses need to educate the public.

    Use the definite article before “government” when referring to the specific governing body of a country.

How this answer could score higher

  1. Develop each main idea more fully: explain why taxation works, why its effect may differ by income group, and exactly how education and product reformulation would complement it.
  2. Use more precise and varied vocabulary, correcting "eduction alternatives" to "educational measures" and reducing repetition of "products" and "consumption".
  3. Improve sentence sophistication and flow by using explicit complex links such as "Although wealthy consumers may continue buying sugary products, taxation can still reduce overall demand" instead of relying repeatedly on "Therefore".

Other answers to this question

Write your own answer to this question

Is this your essay? Request removal. Essays are published without any name, email or account details.

    Need help?