Many processed food and drink products contain excessive sugar which contribute to a wide range of health issues. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?
This IELTS Writing Task 2 answer was marked Band 6.5 on the four official criteria. Its strongest criterion was Grammatical Range & Accuracy (7); Lexical Resource (6) held it back. The biggest single improvement: Develop the partial-agreement position more fully: after "The wealthy consumers still purchase these products", explain exactly why price increases alone are insufficient and how taxation, reformulation and education should work together.
How it was marked
| Criterion | Band | Why |
|---|---|---|
| Task Response | 6 | The essay presents a clear position through "I partly agree" and addresses both the benefits and limitations of increasing prices, but the justification for this partial position is not fully developed. The argument that the measure is "only effective for poor people" is asserted rather than sufficiently supported, and the later discussion of "healthier sweeteners" and advertising is not clearly connected to the question of making sugary products more expensive. |
| Lexical Resource | 6 | The essay uses a reasonably varied range, including phrases such as "allocate their budget", "developing health conditions" and "healthier sweeteners", and meaning is consistently clear. However, several collocations are imprecise or unnatural, including "life expenses", "consumption frequency" and "pay more attention to health issues", while repeated use of "products", "people" and "consumption" limits flexibility. |
| Grammatical Range & Accuracy | 7 | The essay demonstrates a good range of structures, including conditional clauses in "if the price of an ice cream rises" and complex cause-and-effect sentences such as "As a result of this decline in consumption". Grammar is generally accurate and meaning is clear, with only minor problems such as the capitalisation of "It" and the article omission in "Both government and businesses". |
| Coherence & Cohesion | 7 | The response is clearly organised into an introduction, two contrasting body paragraphs and a conclusion, with ideas progressing logically from price increases to their limitations. Cohesive devices such as "For instance", "As a result" and "On the other hand" are generally accurate, although the shift from wealthy consumers to manufacturers and then to government advertising is somewhat abrupt. |
The answer
A learner answer, not a model answer — study what the marks reward, don't copy it.
Corrections from the marking
Increasing the price of sugary products can considerably reduce consumption, as people are sensitive to price changes and have to allocate their budget between life expenses and snacks.
Increasing the price of sugary products can considerably reduce consumption, as people are sensitive to price changes and have to allocate their budget between living expenses and snacks.
"Living expenses" is the standard collocation for the costs of maintaining one's everyday life; "life expenses" is not idiomatic.
However, It is crucial to make individuals understand how to maintain healthy habits.
However, it is crucial to make individuals understand how to maintain healthy habits.
The pronoun "it" should not be capitalised because it follows a comma within the same sentence.
How this answer could score higher
- Develop the partial-agreement position more fully: after "The wealthy consumers still purchase these products", explain exactly why price increases alone are insufficient and how taxation, reformulation and education should work together.
- Improve collocation accuracy by replacing "life expenses", "consumption frequency" and "pay more attention to health issues" with "essential living expenses", "how often they consume these products" and "make healthier purchasing decisions".
- Strengthen paragraph progression by linking the discussion of "healthier sweeteners" and "advertisements" directly to the limitations of price rises instead of presenting them as loosely connected additional ideas.
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