A lot of places in the world rely on tourism as a main source of income. Unfortunately, tourism can also be a source of problems if it is not managed correctly. Describe the advantages and disadvantages of tourism in the modern world. Do you think that the benefits of tourism outweigh its drawbacks?
This IELTS Writing Task 2 answer was marked Band 6 on the four official criteria. All four criteria were marked at 6. The biggest single improvement: Fully develop the opinion that the benefits outweigh the drawbacks: expand "governments could set adaptable regulations" into a clear explanation of how visitor limits, waste controls or environmental taxes would reduce tourism's negative effects.
How it was marked
| Criterion | Band | Why |
|---|---|---|
| Task Response | 6 | The essay addresses both the advantages and disadvantages of tourism and presents a clear position in "I believe that the benefits outweigh the drawbacks." However, the explanation of why the benefits outweigh the drawbacks is underdeveloped, as the final justification, "governments could set adaptable regulations," is not explained or supported with a specific example. |
| Lexical Resource | 6 | The response uses an adequate range of topic vocabulary, including "tourist industry," "tax revenues," "infrastructure" and "environmental pollution." However, several collocations and word choices are unnatural or imprecise, such as "primary revenue," "overcrowded people" and "benefits overweight the disadvantages," and the repeated use of "tourism" and "benefits" limits flexibility. |
| Grammatical Range & Accuracy | 6 | The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of structures, including subordinate clauses in "While tourism offers numerous advantages" and "because the governments could set adaptable regulations." Nevertheless, noticeable grammatical errors occur in several sentences, including "not only local businesses could easily earn money" and "the living quality of the locals," although these errors do not usually prevent understanding. |
| Coherence & Cohesion | 6 | The essay has a clear four-paragraph structure, with separate paragraphs for the introduction, advantages, disadvantages and conclusion, and its ideas generally progress logically. Cohesive devices such as "For example," "In addition" and "Therefore" are used, although some links are mechanical or imprecise, particularly "As the result" and "Thus" before the final disadvantage claim. |
The answer
A learner answer, not a model answer — study what the marks reward, don't copy it.
Corrections from the marking
In today’s modern world
In today’s world
“Today’s” and “modern” are redundant because both refer to the present period.
relying on the tourist industry as primary revenue has become the major concern
relying on the tourism industry as a primary source of revenue has become increasingly common
“Primary revenue” is not the correct collocation, and reliance on tourism is not itself normally described as “the major concern.”
it can contribute significant economic benefits
it can bring significant economic benefits
“Bring economic benefits” is the natural collocation; “contribute benefits” is awkward here.
For example, not only local businesses could easily earn money from tourists, but also the government could receive significant tax income.
For example, not only could local businesses easily earn money from tourists, but the government could also receive significant tax income.
When “not only” begins a sentence, the auxiliary verb comes before the subject, and “also” should be placed in the second coordinated clause.
receive significant tax income
receive significant tax revenue
“Tax revenue” is the standard term for money collected by a government through taxation.
As the result, local companies could provide more job opportunities.
As a result, local companies could provide more job opportunities.
The fixed expression is “as a result,” which requires the indefinite article “a.”
public transportation and electric systems
public transportation and electricity networks
“Electric systems” is imprecise in this context; “electricity networks” clearly refers to infrastructure supplying power.
while popular spots attract numerous visitors, they generate lots of trash
while popular spots attract numerous visitors, these visitors generate lots of trash
The pronoun “they” ambiguously refers to either the spots or the visitors.
How this answer could score higher
- Fully develop the opinion that the benefits outweigh the drawbacks: expand "governments could set adaptable regulations" into a clear explanation of how visitor limits, waste controls or environmental taxes would reduce tourism's negative effects.
- Improve collocation accuracy by replacing phrases such as "primary revenue," "overcrowded people" and "benefits overweight the disadvantages" with "primary source of revenue," "overcrowded tourist sites" and "benefits outweigh the disadvantages."
- Reduce grammatical errors in complex structures, especially the inversion in "not only local businesses could easily earn money"; use "not only could local businesses earn money, but the government could also receive tax revenue."
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