A lot of places in the world rely on tourism as a main source of income. Unfortunately, tourism can also be a source of problems if it is not managed correctly. Describe the advantages and disadvantages of tourism in the modern world. Do you think that the benefits of tourism outweigh its drawbacks?
This IELTS Writing Task 2 answer was marked Band 5.5 on the four official criteria. Its strongest criterion was Coherence & Cohesion (6); Grammatical Range & Accuracy (5) held it back. The biggest single improvement: Develop the main claim that “the benefits outweigh drawbacks” with a second specific benefit and explain why it outweighs tourism’s vulnerability to crises.
How it was marked
| Criterion | Band | Why |
|---|---|---|
| Task Response | 5 | The essay addresses both advantages and disadvantages and states that “the benefits outweigh drawbacks,” but the position is not fully supported. The advantage of tourism benefiting connected businesses and the drawback of economic vulnerability are relevant, though each is developed narrowly and the final justification is unclear. |
| Lexical Resource | 5 | The essay uses some relevant topic vocabulary, including “foreign currency,” “unemployment” and “resilience.” However, vocabulary is repetitive and several expressions, such as “risks under the iceberg,” are imprecise or unnatural. |
| Grammatical Range & Accuracy | 5 | The essay attempts complex sentences with clauses introduced by “because” and “which,” but grammatical errors recur and sometimes make sentences difficult to process. Examples include problems with clause construction, verb forms and agreement. |
| Coherence & Cohesion | 6 | The response follows a clear introduction, advantage paragraph, disadvantage paragraph and conclusion, with signposts such as “However” and “In conclusion.” The overall progression is understandable, although the conclusion’s reasoning does not follow clearly from the preceding discussion. |
The answer
A learner answer, not a model answer — study what the marks reward, don't copy it.
Corrections from the marking
Tourism is an industry that includes several industries together, which can bring significant economic income to a country.
Tourism is an industry that encompasses several sectors and can generate substantial revenue for a country.
“Includes several industries together” is redundant and “economic income” is an unnatural collocation; use “encompasses several sectors” and “generates revenue.”
Many countries develop tourism industry, trying to earn foreign currency.
Many countries develop the tourism industry, trying to earn foreign currency.
The singular countable noun “industry” needs a determiner; use “the” when referring to the tourism industry generally.
Tourism can make lots of profits, but also some risks under the iceberg.
Tourism can generate substantial profits, but it also involves risks beneath the surface.
“Lots of profits” is informal, and “risks under the iceberg” misuses the idiom; “risks beneath the surface” is the appropriate expression.
taking tourism as the main source of income
relying on tourism as the main source of income
“Taking tourism as” is not the natural collocation for describing economic dependence; use “relying on tourism as.”
One clear advantage of taking tourism as a main source of income is that it can bring a huge amount of income for not only one industry.
One clear advantage of relying on tourism as a main source of income is that it can generate substantial revenue across multiple industries.
“Taking tourism as” is unnatural, while “income for not only one industry” is imprecise; describe the revenue as being generated across multiple industries.
This means that people who involve the chain of the tourism industry all can make profits from tourists.
This means that people involved in the tourism industry’s supply chain can all earn money from tourists.
“People who involve the chain” is an incorrect expression, and “the chain of the tourism industry” is better expressed as “the tourism industry’s supply chain.”
For example, everything that involves people’s daily life can take parts in the tourism industry, from food and hotels to transportation, lots of people can benefit from tourism.
For example, everything that involves people’s daily life can take parts in the tourism industry, from food and hotels to transportation; lots of people can benefit from tourism.
A comma cannot join these two independent clauses; use a semicolon or a coordinating conjunction.
everything that involves people’s daily life can take parts in the tourism industry
many aspects of people’s daily lives can play a part in the tourism industry
“Everything that involves people’s daily life” is imprecise, and the natural expression is “play a part,” not “take parts.”
How this answer could score higher
- Develop the main claim that “the benefits outweigh drawbacks” with a second specific benefit and explain why it outweighs tourism’s vulnerability to crises.
- Resolve the inconsistency between “the situation which might affect tourism is not common” and the COVID example by making the conclusion acknowledge the risk and explain how it can be managed.
- Proofread sentence structure and verb forms, especially phrases such as “During the COVID-19 pandemic left” and “the thing that really matter,” and use corrected full-sentence models.
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