Discuss the causes of stress among students.
This IELTS Writing Task 2 answer was marked Band 6.5 on the four official criteria. Its strongest criterion was Grammatical Range & Accuracy (7); Coherence & Cohesion (6) held it back. The biggest single improvement: Develop each cause with a fuller explanation of how it creates stress; for the social cause, show peer or family expectations rather than only a conflict between socialising and studying.
How it was marked
| Criterion | Band | Why |
|---|---|---|
| Task Response | 6 | The essay addresses the prompt by discussing academic, financial, and social sources of student stress, and its position is clear. The explanations are relevant but often brief, and the social-pressure example mainly describes a time-management problem rather than explaining pressure from other people. |
| Lexical Resource | 6 | The essay uses appropriate vocabulary for the topic, including “tuition,” “respite,” and “academic performance.” Precision and variety are limited by repeated use of “stress” and “pressure,” and “financial security” does not accurately name the cause being explained. |
| Grammatical Range & Accuracy | 7 | The essay uses a range of sentence forms, including the relative clause in “College students, who may have only studied under strict parental supervision,” and several subordinate clauses. Grammar is generally controlled, with an occasional punctuation issue rather than recurring errors that impede meaning. |
| Coherence & Cohesion | 6 | The essay is organised into a clear introduction, three cause-based body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the repeated use of “Consequently,” “Therefore,” and “As a result” makes the progression feel mechanical, and each body paragraph ends with a similar summary sentence. |
The answer
A learner answer, not a model answer — study what the marks reward, don't copy it.
Corrections from the marking
Stress is a common issue for students in today's fast paced society.
Stress is a common issue for students in today's fast-paced society.
Hyphenate the two-word adjective before a noun when it functions as a single modifier.
Ultimately, the three main causes for stress among students are academic pressure, financial pressure and social pressure.
Ultimately, the three main causes of stress among students are academic pressure, financial pressure and social pressure.
The standard collocation is “causes of stress,” rather than “causes for stress.”
Consequently, homework may pile up resulting in compounded stress in the future.
Consequently, homework may pile up, resulting in compounded stress in the future.
Add a comma before the supplementary participle clause that explains the result of homework piling up.
Therefore, academic pressure is a major cause for stress among students.
Therefore, academic pressure is a major cause of stress among students.
Use the collocation “a cause of stress” to describe something that produces stress.
Secondly, financial security contributes substantially to stress among tertiary students.
Secondly, financial insecurity contributes substantially to stress among tertiary students.
Security generally means being financially protected, whereas the context identifies financial insecurity as the source of stress.
Therefore, financial security is a major cause of stress among students.
Therefore, financial insecurity is a major cause of stress among students.
Use “financial insecurity” to name the financial difficulty causing stress, rather than “financial security.”
As a result, they may end up behind in class, leaving them stressed.
As a result, they may fall behind in their studies, leaving them stressed.
“Fall behind in their studies” is the more natural collocation for students making insufficient academic progress.
For example, students may get invited to do an activity with friends, resulting in less time for studying.
For example, students may be invited to take part in an activity with friends, resulting in less time for studying.
“Take part in an activity” is a more idiomatic collocation than “do an activity.”
How this answer could score higher
- Develop each cause with a fuller explanation of how it creates stress; for the social cause, show peer or family expectations rather than only a conflict between socialising and studying.
- Use more precise vocabulary, especially changing “financial security” to “financial insecurity,” and reduce repeated use of “stress” and “pressure.”
- Make the body paragraphs less formulaic by varying or removing repeated “Consequently” and “Therefore” transitions and avoiding identical concluding sentences.
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