Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and other measures are required. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
This IELTS Writing Task 2 answer was marked Band 6.5 on the four official criteria. Its strongest criterion was Coherence & Cohesion (7); Grammatical Range & Accuracy (6) held it back. The biggest single improvement: Fully develop the second viewpoint with a specific alternative measure: replace the general claim that people are "not aware of the importance of health" with an explanation of how health education, workplace programmes, or financial incentives would increase participation.
How it was marked
| Criterion | Band | Why |
|---|---|---|
| Task Response | 6 | The essay addresses both views and gives a clear opinion that facilities are useful but that health awareness is more important, as stated in "sports facilities can improve public health but the more important thing is to raise people’s health awareness". However, the main ideas are only partly developed, and the explanation that people avoid facilities because they are "not aware of the importance of health" is not sufficiently convincing or fully supported. |
| Lexical Resource | 6 | The essay uses an adequate range of topic vocabulary, including "public health", "sports facilities", "chronic conditions", and "health awareness", and meaning is generally clear. However, repeated use of "health" and "sports facilities" and several imprecise collocations, such as "keeping health" and "involved in various sports", limit precision and naturalness. |
| Grammatical Range & Accuracy | 6 | The response demonstrates a reasonable range of structures, including concessive clauses in "Although there are different sports facilities" and reason-result relationships using "because" and "Consequently". Accuracy is generally adequate, but awkward clause construction and sentence-level errors occur often enough to prevent a higher band. |
| Coherence & Cohesion | 7 | The response has a clear four-paragraph structure, with the ideas progressing from the benefits of facilities to the need for wider measures and then to a balanced conclusion. Cohesive devices such as "On the one hand", "For example", "On the other hand", and "Consequently" are generally used appropriately, although some linking and referencing are repetitive. |
The answer
A learner answer, not a model answer — study what the marks reward, don't copy it.
Corrections from the marking
From where I stand, I firmly believe that sports facilities can improve public health but the more important thing is to raise people’s health awareness.
From where I stand, I firmly believe that sports facilities can improve public health, but the more important thing is to raise people’s health awareness.
A comma is needed before “but” because it joins two clauses with different subjects.
by installing more sports facilities
by providing more sports facilities
Sports facilities are normally built or provided, whereas 'install' is more commonly used for equipment or systems.
When governments increase a variety of sports facilities, individuals can have access to them.
When governments provide a wider range of sports facilities, individuals can have access to them.
'Increase a variety of facilities' is an unsuitable collocation; 'provide a wider range of facilities' expresses this idea naturally.
As a result, they may choose to stay at home and not exercise more, which can have a negative influence on their health.
As a result, they may choose to stay at home and not exercise at all, which can have a negative influence on their health.
'Not exercise more' suggests not increasing existing exercise, whereas the context requires the more precise expression 'not exercise at all'.
Although there are different sports facilities, residents will not use them because they cannot understand the importance of keeping health.
Although there are different sports facilities, residents will not use them because they cannot understand the importance of maintaining good health.
'Keep health' is not a natural collocation; the standard expression is 'maintain good health'.
Therefore, it is recommended that governments should take action to invest in more sports facilities to improve public health and promote the importance of maintaining good health which can encourage individuals to engage in sports activities.
Therefore, it is recommended that governments should take action to invest in more sports facilities to improve public health and promote the importance of maintaining good health, which can encourage individuals to engage in sports activities.
A non-defining relative clause beginning with “which” must be separated from the main clause with a comma.
promote the importance of maintaining good health
raise awareness of the importance of maintaining good health
The natural collocation is 'raise awareness of an issue', not 'promote the importance of an issue'.
How this answer could score higher
- Fully develop the second viewpoint with a specific alternative measure: replace the general claim that people are "not aware of the importance of health" with an explanation of how health education, workplace programmes, or financial incentives would increase participation.
- Use more natural and precise collocations, especially replacing "keeping health" with "maintaining good health" and "involved in various sports" with "take part in regular physical activity".
- Rewrite awkward complex sentences for grammatical control, particularly "in people’s free time, spending more time working or studying is common for them" as "In their free time, many people choose to work or study instead of exercising."
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