In many countries people are working longer hours and have less free time than in the past. What are the causes of this? What can be done to improve the situation?
This IELTS Writing Task 2 answer was marked Band 5.5 on the four official criteria. Its strongest criterion was Task Response (6); Grammatical Range & Accuracy (5) held it back. The biggest single improvement: Develop each main idea beyond labels such as "stress" and "multiple jobs" by explaining the cause-and-effect chain and giving a realistic example.
How it was marked
| Criterion | Band | Why |
|---|---|---|
| Task Response | 6 | The essay addresses both questions by identifying stress from senior roles and working multiple jobs as causes, and it proposes measures such as "mandatory leave" and "limited working hours weekly". However, the main ideas are only partly developed, and claims such as "diabetics and hypertention are the two main diseases caused by stress 68% of the time" are unsupported and do not clearly explain the causes or solutions. |
| Lexical Resource | 5 | The response uses some topic-related vocabulary, including "leadership roles", "family dynamics", and "work life balance", but its range and precision are limited by repetition and several spelling, word-form, and collocation problems. Errors such as "limitied", "hypertention", "dynemics", and "successfull" are frequent enough to reduce lexical control, although the main meaning remains clear. |
| Grammatical Range & Accuracy | 5 | There is some variety through relative and subordinate clauses, as in "employees who are working at the higher positions" and "so that they can earn their bread and butter", but basic grammatical errors occur frequently. Examples include "This include", "majority of individuals choose to work at to different jobs", and "an individual spend", and these prevent the response from demonstrating consistently accurate control. |
| Coherence & Cohesion | 6 | The essay has a generally clear four-part structure, moving from an introduction to two causes, proposed solutions, and a conclusion, with signals such as "Firstly", "Secondly", and "To summarize". Nevertheless, some connections are mechanical or vague, particularly "With this essay I will discuss all this" and the abrupt shift to "By fostering a collaborative environment". |
The answer
A learner answer, not a model answer — study what the marks reward, don't copy it.
Corrections from the marking
Undoubtedly, working for longer duration and getting limitied leisure time is affecting individuals globally.
Undoubtedly, working for a longer duration and getting limitied leisure time are affecting individuals globally.
A singular countable noun needs an article, and two coordinated -ing subjects require a plural verb.
Firstly, employees who are working at the higher positions like, managers or assistant managers fell more anxious due to their leadership roles.
Firstly, employees who are working at the higher positions, like managers or assistant managers, feel more anxious due to their leadership roles.
The verb should be present-tense "feel" for a general situation, and commas must enclose the parenthetical example.
According to one the recent research, diabetics and hypertention are the two main diseases caused by stress 68% of the time, rest is genetic.
According to one recent piece of research, diabetics and hypertention are the two main diseases caused by stress 68% of the time, and the rest is genetic.
The phrase "one the recent research" needs a grammatical determiner structure, and two independent clauses should not be joined by a comma alone.
Secondly, majority of individuals choose to work at to different jobs so that they can earn their bread and butter and raise their family.
Secondly, the majority of individuals choose to work at two different jobs so that they can earn their bread and butter and raise their family.
The singular noun "majority" requires "the", and the intended number is expressed as "two", not the preposition "to".
However, working day to night and staying away from family can be extremely hard and exhausting.
However, working from day to night and staying away from their family can be extremely hard and exhausting.
The time expression requires the preposition "from", and the singular countable noun "family" needs an appropriate determiner.
For instance, in a current BBC article majority of the divorces are taking place as an outcome of spending less quality time.
For instance, in a current BBC article, the majority of the divorces are taking place as an outcome of spending less quality time.
A comma is needed after the introductory phrase, and the singular noun "majority" requires the definite article "the".
This include, mandatory leave every year, limited working hours weekly and set age for the retirement.
This includes mandatory leave every year, limited working hours weekly and a set age for retirement.
The singular subject "This" takes "includes", and the singular countable noun "age" requires the article "a".
There should be a work life balance and to achieve that the employers should grant 2 week paid leave for all the workers annually.
There should be a work-life balance and, to achieve that, employers should grant two weeks' paid leave to all workers annually.
The inserted phrase "to achieve that" needs commas, and the duration should be expressed as the possessive plural "two weeks' paid leave".
How this answer could score higher
- Develop each main idea beyond labels such as "stress" and "multiple jobs" by explaining the cause-and-effect chain and giving a realistic example.
- Improve grammatical accuracy by checking high-frequency errors such as "This include", "at to different jobs", and "an individual spend" before submitting.
- Use precise, natural collocations and proofread spelling: replace "working for longer duration" with "working longer hours", "achieve the deadline" with "meet deadlines", and correct "limitied" and "successfull".
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