More and more people in the city live in homes with small spaces or no outdoor areas. Do you think it is a negative or positive development?
This IELTS Writing Task 2 answer was marked Band 7.5 on the four official criteria. Its strongest criterion was Grammatical Range & Accuracy (8); Coherence & Cohesion (7) held it back. The biggest single improvement: Distinguish clearly between the effects of cramped indoor space and the absence of outdoor areas, adding a specific example such as "balconies, gardens or communal green spaces".
How it was marked
| Criterion | Band | Why |
|---|---|---|
| Task Response | 7 | The essay gives a clear and consistent negative position, supported by two relevant ideas: harm to health and reduced privacy, as shown in the thesis that small homes can "have harmful effects on people's physical and mental health and reduce their privacy". However, development is somewhat general, and the separate effects of having a "small space" and having "no outdoor areas" are not fully distinguished. |
| Lexical Resource | 7 | The vocabulary is accurate, appropriate and sufficiently varied for the topic, with useful phrases such as "overall well-being", "private activities" and "personal space". Nevertheless, there is noticeable repetition of basic combinations including "limited space", "small homes", "physical and mental health" and "privacy", and the essay uses few more specific or less common expressions. |
| Grammatical Range & Accuracy | 8 | The essay demonstrates a wide and well-controlled range of complex structures, including reason clauses, relative clauses and conditional clauses, as in "which may increase their stress levels" and "if they do not have enough space". Errors are extremely rare or absent, and sentence boundaries, agreement, tense and punctuation are consistently accurate. |
| Coherence & Cohesion | 7 | The response is logically organised into an introduction, two body paragraphs and a conclusion, with ideas progressing clearly from health effects to privacy. Cohesive devices such as "On the one hand", "In addition" and "Consequently" are accurate, although the repeated pattern of "This is because" and "As a result" makes the linking somewhat formulaic. |
The answer
A learner answer, not a model answer — study what the marks reward, don't copy it.
In recent years, more and more people have been living in homes with limited space or no outdoor areas. I believe this is a negative development because it can have harmful effects on people's physical and mental health and reduce their privacy.
On the one hand, living in small homes without outdoor areas can negatively affect people's physical and mental health. This is because limited living space makes it difficult for residents to carry out daily activities comfortably, which may increase their stress levels. In addition, people may find it harder to exercise at home or get some fresh air if they do not have enough space. For example, someone who enjoys exercising may find it difficult to work out at home because there is not enough room. As a result, they may become less physically active, which could negatively affect their overall well-being.
On the other hand, family members who live together in small homes may have less privacy. This is because limited space may force them to share bedrooms and other living areas, leaving them with little room for private activities. For instance, children who share a bedroom with their siblings may struggle to find a quiet place to study or relax. Consequently, a lack of personal space may cause tension between family members and reduce their overall satisfaction with life.
In conclusion, I believe that living in small homes without outdoor areas is a negative development, as it can harm people's physical and mental health and reduce their privacy.
How this answer could score higher
- Distinguish clearly between the effects of cramped indoor space and the absence of outdoor areas, adding a specific example such as "balconies, gardens or communal green spaces".
- Develop each main idea with a more specific long-term consequence, such as sedentary lifestyles affecting health or lack of privacy causing persistent family conflict.
- Reduce repetition of phrases such as "limited space", "small homes" and "This is because" by using precise alternatives and more varied sentence structures.
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