Some people think the money spent in developing the technology for space exploration is not justified. There are more beneficial ways to spend this money. To what extend do you agree or disagree?
This IELTS Writing Task 2 answer was marked Band 6 on the four official criteria. All four criteria were marked at 6. The biggest single improvement: Develop each main idea with a clear explanation of cause and effect: expand beyond "it can provide significant resources" by explaining specific benefits of scientific research and compare them directly with immediate needs in healthcare and education.
How it was marked
| Criterion | Band | Why |
|---|---|---|
| Task Response | 6 | The essay addresses both sides of the issue and gives a clear position in "I partially agree with this view", although the conclusion more strongly prioritises healthcare and education. The main ideas are relevant, but the benefits of space exploration and the proposed improvements to education and healthcare are only briefly developed, as shown by statements such as "it can provide significant resources" and "money should be spent on healthcare". |
| Lexical Resource | 6 | The essay uses an adequate range of topic vocabulary, including "advanced rockets and spaceships", "life possibilities" and "scholarship opportunities", and the meaning is generally clear. However, several word choices, collocations and spelling forms are inaccurate or unnatural, including "Nassa", "plants" and "first preference". |
| Grammatical Range & Accuracy | 6 | The response uses a range of structures, including conditionals in "If we found evidence of life on another planet, that would be very significant" and subordinate clauses beginning with "because" and "although". Nevertheless, recurring errors with articles, sentence boundaries, fragments and prepositions are noticeable, as in "the Mars", "at start" and "As there are many universities". |
| Coherence & Cohesion | 6 | The essay has a clear four-paragraph structure, with the ideas moving from the value of space exploration to the greater importance of education and healthcare. Cohesion is generally effective through devices such as "On the other hand" and "In conclusion", but some progression is abrupt, particularly the jump from scientific knowledge to "We can populate that planet". |
The answer
A learner answer, not a model answer — study what the marks reward, don't copy it.
Corrections from the marking
In some people's point of view money
In some people's point of view, money
A comma is needed after an introductory prepositional phrase.
In some people's point of view money should not be spent in developing the advanced technologies, such as rockets and spaceships for exploring the space.
From some people's point of view money should not be spent in developing the advanced technologies, such as rockets and spaceships for exploring the space.
"From somebody's point of view" is the standard collocation; "in somebody's point of view" is incorrect.
money should not be spent in developing the advanced technologies, such as rockets and spaceships for exploring the space
money should not be spent on developing advanced technologies, such as rockets and spaceships for exploring space
Use the preposition "on" after "spent", and do not use "the" with the general, uncountable noun "space".
I partially agree with this view as researching planets and life possibilities on them can be very useful, but at the same time education and healthcare are more essential than this.
I partially agree with this view as researching planets and the possibility of life on them can be very useful, but at the same time education and healthcare are more essential than this.
"The possibility of life" is the natural collocation, rather than "life possibilities".
but at the same time education and healthcare are more essential than this
but at the same time, education and healthcare are more essential than this
A comma is required after the introductory expression "at the same time".
Spending money on advanced rockets and spaceships is useful because it provides knowledge of the space, knowledge of different stars and planets, and life possibilities on such planets.
Spending money on advanced rockets and spaceships is useful because it provides knowledge of the space, knowledge of different stars and planets, and the possibility of life on such planets.
"The possibility of life" is the precise expression for the potential existence of living organisms.
it provides knowledge of the space, knowledge of different stars and planets, and life possibilities on such planets
it provides knowledge of space, knowledge of different stars and planets, and life possibilities on such planets
The general noun "space" does not take the definite article in this context.
We can populate that planet, it can provide significant resources and can also reduce burden from the earth.
We can populate that planet; it can provide significant resources and can also reduce burden from the earth.
Two independent clauses cannot be joined with only a comma; use a semicolon or a full stop.
How this answer could score higher
- Develop each main idea with a clear explanation of cause and effect: expand beyond "it can provide significant resources" by explaining specific benefits of scientific research and compare them directly with immediate needs in healthcare and education.
- Improve grammatical accuracy by checking articles, prepositions and sentence boundaries, especially in "the Mars", "at start", "As there are many universities" and "We can populate that planet, it can provide...".
- Use more natural and precise collocations, changing "life possibilities" to "the possibility of life", "first preference" to "first priority", and "different plants" to "different planets".
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