Individuals can do nothing to improve the environment; only governments and large companies can make a difference. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Citizens are incapable of personally making significant positive changes on the aspects of their surroundings, however for a region to remarkably transform, the state and other influential businesses are the ones with the sole capability of overlooking these changes. People, contrary to their leaders, lack control and empowerment strategies necessary to aim for substantial results of the measures taken to change their area. I strongly believe that ordinary citizens cannot facilitate big alterations of their surroundings, while leaders are very much able. To begin with, the process of transforming the face of a place requires extensive work with many units coordinating to have desired outcomes. This needs a central point of harmonization and given that the government is composed of several sectors, this becomes an easy task for them. Citizens lack this ability hence the government becomes a convenient option. For example, the state will easily incorporate the architecture and construction units when there is a need to reconstruct a park because these are the segments it controls. This can get difficult for nationals thus the potential lies uniquely on the state. Additionally, significant changes require large amounts of money which individuals lack. Nonetheless, bodies running the country generate a considerable sum of income from taxes and activities running across various sectors. This makes them capable of catering for all reinforcements necessary in their location. For instance, the entire process of constructing large roads requires billions and as a result, the state mostly takes up that responsibility. This makes the state the only guaranteed prospect of making marked changes in a community. extensive work.
This IELTS Writing Task 2 answer was marked Band 5 on the four official criteria. All four criteria were marked at 5. The biggest single improvement: Answer the whole question by discussing both "large companies" and individuals, and connect every main idea to environmental improvement rather than mainly to parks and roads.
How it was marked
| Criterion | Band | Why |
|---|---|---|
| Task Response | 5 | The position is clear in statements such as "I strongly believe that ordinary citizens cannot facilitate big alterations," but the response does not fully address the role of "large companies" and focuses mainly on government projects. The ideas are only partly developed, and the ending with "extensive work" is incomplete, so the response does not provide a fully developed answer to the environmental question. |
| Lexical Resource | 5 | The essay attempts a range of formal vocabulary, including "substantial results," "central point of harmonization," and "considerable sum of income." Nevertheless, several word combinations are unnatural or imprecise, such as "overlooking these changes," "empowerment strategies," and "guaranteed prospect," which limit precision and naturalness. |
| Grammatical Range & Accuracy | 5 | There is some variety in sentence structure, including complex clauses beginning with "given that" and "when there is a need." However, frequent grammatical problems in articles, sentence boundaries, and clause construction reduce accuracy, as seen in "on the aspects of their surroundings" and the comma splice after "surroundings." |
| Coherence & Cohesion | 5 | The response has a recognisable progression from a position to two supporting reasons, signalled by "To begin with" and "Additionally." However, connections are sometimes mechanical or unclear, and the incomplete final phrase "extensive work" damages the overall cohesion. |
The answer
A learner answer, not a model answer — study what the marks reward, don't copy it.
Corrections from the marking
Citizens are incapable of personally making significant positive changes on the aspects of their surroundings, however for a region to remarkably transform, the state and other influential businesses are the ones with the sole capability of overlooking these changes.
Citizens are incapable of personally making significant positive changes to the aspects of their surroundings; however, for a region to remarkably transform, the state and other influential businesses are the ones with the sole capability of overlooking these changes.
Use the preposition "to" with changes made to something, and separate the two independent clauses with a semicolon before "however" and a comma after it.
the aspects of their surroundings
their local environment
"The aspects of their surroundings" is an imprecise and unnatural expression; "their local environment" conveys the intended meaning more precisely.
for a region to remarkably transform
for a region to undergo a remarkable transformation
"Undergo a transformation" is the natural collocation for describing a place changing significantly.
sole capability of overlooking these changes
exclusive capacity to oversee these changes
"Overlooking" means failing to notice something, whereas "oversee" means supervise or manage it.
empowerment strategies necessary to aim for substantial results
resources needed to achieve substantial results
"Empowerment strategies" and "aim for results" are unsuitable collocations in this context; governments provide resources and achieve results.
leaders are very much able
leaders are fully capable
"Fully capable" is the natural formal expression for stating that someone has the ability to do something.
many units coordinating to have desired outcomes
many units coordinating to achieve desired outcomes
The standard collocation is "achieve outcomes," not "have outcomes" in this context.
This needs a central point of harmonization and given that the government is composed of several sectors, this becomes an easy task for them.
This needs a central point of harmonization, and, given that the government is composed of several sectors, this becomes an easy task for them.
A comma is needed before the coordinating conjunction, and the intervening "given that" clause should be enclosed by commas.
How this answer could score higher
- Answer the whole question by discussing both "large companies" and individuals, and connect every main idea to environmental improvement rather than mainly to parks and roads.
- Replace unnatural collocations such as "overlooking these changes" and "guaranteed prospect" with precise phrases such as "implement large-scale environmental changes" and "make substantial changes."
- Finish with a clear conclusion and correct major sentence-boundary problems, especially the comma splice in "surroundings, however" and the isolated ending "extensive work."
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