Some people think increasing the cost of fuel is the best way to solve global environment problems. To what extend do you agree or disagree?
This IELTS Writing Task 2 answer was marked Band 6 on the four official criteria. All four criteria were marked at 6. The biggest single improvement: Develop the partial-agreement position with a more direct explanation of why fuel-price rises are insufficient, replacing the weak example “some people could burn plastic bags” with a specific discussion of public transport, renewable energy or emissions regulation.
How it was marked
| Criterion | Band | Why |
|---|---|---|
| Task Response | 6 | The essay addresses both sides of the question and presents a clear partial-disagreement position in “I partly agree with this view”. The main ideas are relevant, but the explanation of plastic reduction is less directly connected to fuel prices and several points, such as “people can also make contribution”, are not fully developed with convincing support. |
| Lexical Resource | 6 | The essay uses a reasonable range of topic vocabulary, including “fossil fuel”, “air pollution”, “single-use bags” and “renewable resources”. Nevertheless, several collocations and word choices are unnatural, such as “weaken international environmental issues” and “boosting the expenses on petrol”, and the spelling error “adressing” reduces accuracy. |
| Grammatical Range & Accuracy | 6 | The essay uses a mix of simple and complex structures, including conditional forms in “if governments increase the expenses of fuel taxes, individuals may choose to take public transportation”. However, recurring errors in articles, plurals, prepositions and agreement, including “other measure” and “less cars on road”, prevent consistently accurate control. |
| Coherence & Cohesion | 6 | The response has a clear four-paragraph structure, with “On the one hand” and “On the other hand” signalling the two main positions effectively. However, some progression is mechanical, and the transition from fuel prices to plastic bags in “The public can also play an important role” is not sufficiently explained. |
The answer
A learner answer, not a model answer — study what the marks reward, don't copy it.
Corrections from the marking
While some people argue that raising the price of fossil fuel is the most practical solution, I partly agree with this view because it should be supported by other measure which could affect individuals.
While some people argue that raising the price of fossil fuel is the most practical solution, I partly agree with this view because it should be supported by other measures which could affect individuals.
The plural determiner "other" must be followed by a plural countable noun, so "measure" should be "measures".
On the one hand, boosting the expenses on petrol can efficiently weaken international environmental issues.
On the one hand, raising the cost of petrol can help alleviate international environmental issues.
"Boosting the expenses" and "weaken environmental issues" are incorrect collocations; use "raise the cost" and "alleviate environmental issues".
This is because the cost of fuel can influence on people’s transport choices.
This is because the cost of fuel can influence people’s transport choices.
"Influence" is a transitive verb and does not take the preposition "on" before its object.
When the number of private cars declines, the air pollution which can lead to environmental problem will be reduced.
When the number of private cars declines, the air pollution, which can lead to an environmental problem, will be reduced.
The non-defining relative clause needs commas, and the singular countable noun "problem" requires the article "an".
For example, if governments increase the expenses of fuel taxes, individuals may choose to take public transportation.
For example, if governments increase fuel taxes, individuals may choose to take public transportation.
Taxes are increased directly, whereas "increase the expenses of fuel taxes" is not a natural or accurate collocation.
As a result, there will be less cars on road which will contribute to reducing carbon emission.
As a result, there will be fewer cars on the road, which will contribute to reducing carbon emissions.
Use "fewer" with countable plural nouns, include the article in "the road", and use a plural noun for general carbon emissions.
The public can also play an important role in adressing these problems.
The public can also play an important role in addressing these problems.
"Addressing" is spelled with two "d"s.
It means that people can also make contribution to reduce environmental problems by reducing their use of plastic bags.
It means that people can also make a contribution to reducing environmental problems by reducing their use of plastic bags.
The singular countable noun "contribution" needs an article, and the preposition "to" should be followed by the gerund "reducing".
How this answer could score higher
- Develop the partial-agreement position with a more direct explanation of why fuel-price rises are insufficient, replacing the weak example “some people could burn plastic bags” with a specific discussion of public transport, renewable energy or emissions regulation.
- Improve grammatical accuracy in frequent basic areas by checking phrases such as “other measure”, “less cars on road” and “make contribution” before submitting.
- Learn and use natural environmental collocations, changing “weaken international environmental issues” and “boosting the expenses on petrol” to “reduce global environmental problems” and “raise the price of petrol”.
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