Some people think that celebrities are good role models for young people, while others believe they set a harmful example. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
This IELTS Writing Task 2 answer was marked Band 5.5 on the four official criteria. Its strongest criterion was Task Response (6); Grammatical Range & Accuracy (5) held it back. The biggest single improvement: Correct high-frequency grammatical patterns systematically: use accurate article, preposition, agreement and verb forms, for example "the influence of celebrities on young people", "I strongly agree" and "this is common".
How it was marked
| Criterion | Band | Why |
|---|---|---|
| Task Response | 6 | The essay addresses both views and gives a clear personal position, especially in the statement that celebrities can be good role models when they "use their influence responsibly". However, the two arguments are only partly developed, with broad claims such as "educational aspects and ambition" receiving limited explanation and support. |
| Lexical Resource | 5 | The essay attempts a reasonably broad range, including "detrimental", "unethical", "overall well-being" and "positive social values", but inaccurate word combinations and awkward word choices are frequent. These problems sometimes make the intended meaning less precise, as in "finding inspiration to their respected idol" and "dreams ... impossible to acquire". |
| Grammatical Range & Accuracy | 5 | There is some grammatical range through concessive and relative clauses, including "While some people argue..." and "when they use their influence responsibly", but frequent errors occur in articles, agreement, verb forms, prepositions and sentence construction. Meaning is generally recoverable, although forms such as "I am strongly agree" and "these are commons" show limited control of basic structures. |
| Coherence & Cohesion | 6 | The response has a clear four-paragraph structure, and signposts such as "On the one hand", "On the other hand" and "In conclusion" make the overall direction easy to follow. Nevertheless, progression within the body paragraphs is weakened by long, overloaded sentences and unclear references such as "these" and "they". |
The answer
A learner answer, not a model answer — study what the marks reward, don't copy it.
Corrections from the marking
In modern society, the influence by the famous celebrities for young people is widely debated issue.
In modern society, the influence of famous celebrities on young people is a widely debated issue.
Use the prepositions "of" and "on" with "influence", omit "the" before a general plural noun, and add "a" before the singular countable noun "issue".
the famous celebrities
celebrities
The word "famous" is redundant because a celebrity is already a famous person.
While others believe that popular artist is ideal model for the youth, while others argue that they have negative impact on the minors.
While some people believe that popular artists are ideal role models for young people, others argue that celebrities have a negative impact on minors.
This sentence repeats "while", lacks articles before singular countable nouns, and uses inconsistent singular and plural references.
While others believe that popular artist is ideal model for the youth, while others argue
Some people believe that popular artists are ideal role models for young people, whereas others argue
The repeated "while others" creates faulty contrast; use one clear pair such as "some people... whereas others...".
popular artist is ideal model
popular artists are ideal role models
"Role model" is the established collocation for a person whose behaviour is imitated.
the minors
young people
"Minors" is a legal and relatively impersonal term, whereas "young people" is more appropriate for this general academic discussion.
Both perspectives will be examined, and I will explain why I am strongly agree with the former view.
Both perspectives will be examined, and I will explain why I strongly agree with the former view.
The verb "agree" is not used with "am" in this structure, so use the present simple "I strongly agree".
On the one hand, the supporters of detrimental aspect by the notable personalities argue that they can influence the youngster in negative way that results in changing the behavior of the youth on how to interact with other people in their community or school.
On the one hand, supporters of the detrimental influence of notable personalities argue that these figures can influence youngsters in a negative way, resulting in changes to how young people interact with others in their communities or schools.
The sentence needs appropriate articles, plural forms, prepositions, and a correctly constructed result clause.
How this answer could score higher
- Correct high-frequency grammatical patterns systematically: use accurate article, preposition, agreement and verb forms, for example "the influence of celebrities on young people", "I strongly agree" and "this is common".
- Learn precise collocations for the topic and replace awkward combinations such as "dreams ... acquire" and "inspiration to their respected idol" with "achieve their goals" and "be inspired by their favourite celebrities".
- Fully develop each body paragraph with one clearly explained mechanism and one specific example, showing how harmful celebrity behaviour is imitated and how responsible celebrities can motivate young people.
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